Is it meant to be or is it just a coincidence.
Hello people i am back from OBS. Hehe. It was awesome ah. My group so shiok ah. Haha. Miss them and instructors alr. Hehe. One of my instructor name is the same as my cat name. Gary. Haha. Alot of nemorable things happen. I could not forget it. My shoulder is aching due to the tracking with heavy bags. My arms is aching too as we kayak for few hours. I am so not going to try flying fox again. Haha. Scary like hell. It was fun sleeping in thr tent. It wad fun cooking together. My group photo is simply the best. Okay thats all. Haha. Bye.

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"Your son join competition among the whole singapore you dont know?"
Wah.. he ask for silat, you let him in in few DAYS. I ask for piano class you have not let me in for few YEARS alr. Wtf.
My basic days of cca you dont even know, you still dare ask my teacher why i came home late. I tell you abt my band being a leader you also dont care. Our performance you also never came. I went for camp you never send me nor fetch me. Biased like hell!! You only know how to nag and scold me only . Be proud of him only la. Your daughter just let her go hell. Can already. What a life.

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wooo i've not been posting for very long time alr ! :D aahaha!

Band investiture was awesome :D finally no more stress :) but yeah something happen and i have to step back ! wth. its still very early to do so ! :<

RHD was simply awesome :) i plan it :D wee. but was given a job to sit at AVA room only. seriously don't like it!

So i am going for OBS on monday :( SO bye bye! won't be posting for one week :o

i don't like how we are grouped :( HATE IT :(

I don't understand :( when I do too much, no one notice but people still can say I not doing my job :( you want my job? Can. My pleasure, come and take my place. Feel how I feel when people don't cooperate well with you. I don't know what to do. I am scared. Yes I am just a normal acad girl. Ugh. I don't want to say abt this alr. It makes me sad. Really sad. Idk how to do my job tmr. Idk how to face you all tmr. Somehow I feel I am doing a wrong thing when its actually a right thing. All this just give me a massive headache :<

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Yesterday was a dooms day ! I totally don't care what people going to say. I care, I say. I cannot take it that they are behaving like this. I shout, I yell. You hate me I don't care. I am doing this for your own good. Its hard to lead a group of people! You think you can do a better job? Come here and take my place. I almost breakdown infront of them but I control myself. They might think I am crazy getting angry at those small things. But those small things can become bigger if you're not aware. If things not gonna change, then you'll see me as a bad guy then. You'll see me yelling everyday! This situation made my day today so dry. I had no mood to do anything. Seriously don't know how to calm myself now...

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A single text from you can change my mood at any moment :D

Now I am totally pissed off with my dad ! Like damn seriously ! I don't even want to tell what happen. But I shouted at him and he stare at me. I stare back and I don't care if he is going to beat me up.
Fml. Ugh. Don't feel like going home when he is at home 24/7.. What a shame!

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I dont even know why its bothering me . I dont even know why when I enter my room, I look at all those stuffs.
A photograph can bring me back to that particular time. A letter, can bring back those memories. A bear can make me smile. A wire braclet can bring me laughter. A movie ticket can bring me joy. My pen that you misplaced, you replaced it with a new pen that gives me confident.
The way you hold my hand made me feel secured. The way you touch my cheek when i'm cold, made me obsessed with you. The Way you made me happy is just too sweet. The way you call my name, made me fly. The love you gave me is too precious and the 99 hearts you gave me, can never replace your heart.

I don't know why I am being random here.

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Its the 5th again....

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Today school not bad la. I freaking tired and no mood for everything. Haha. Went and play piano during recess and was chase out because theres pe :( sad. Then the stupid elective module was damn boring !! I went for band straight after that. Was shock :o haizzz... Luck mr ong not there. Oh I get to paint my room!! :) hmmm what colour shd I use... :D

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Yesterday so epic. I though there was religious class, so my dad sent my bro and I there then suddenly one aunty say dun have! Woah. Waste time. Haha. Lucky my dad still there if not need wait again. Haha. Epic lo. Then at home facing com only. Evening my mum want to go out and went ssc :) I wanted to eat shushi , but they don't want. So ate fried maggi :D haha. Then I thought we going home, then idk why my dad drove to angmokio then back home.
Today I really feel like cleaning up my room. But idk what to do and where to start. Ha :( I really cannot tahan see the same old funiture at the same place for 9years!! I can't even shift the funiture. Idk why the past owner made it stick to the wall. And all my funiture is wood :( I hate it... Gahh.. I want to get rid of everything ! And I want to have a new nice room :D ha..

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I can't believe you are still trap in my mind.
Went out with my mum today :) only two of us. Haha. Accompanied her to a show at yishun safra. Went wash car and pass by northpoint. And you came into my mind with all the memories we had there. Haiz. Aft that my mood really went downn.. Cause I still have tuition at night :( told my mum I don wan tuition also. Mdm aishah also don encourage tuition. LOL. I rather have piano class which I have been asking for 4years!! :< I guess i'll be getting soon :) wee.

Ystd plan was to msg you today. Ha.. I guess I am too coward. :D I dont know why, but I cried to my sleep. And I was awake when sir called me, telling me the plans for tues and thurs when he is not ard. Lol. He even said "this is not dream hor. Ltr u tell me, I dream of you calling me telling me what to do" LOLOL.
Yay monday no sch :) youth day.
Mothers day, fathers day we celebrate.
Then youth day no present no nothing ?
Thats sad.. LOL.

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I miss you. I want to talk to you so badly. And idk why but today I seems to have the urge to msg you so badly.. But I did not.. I am scared. Scared that you find me irritating, scared that you will not like it. Even just to say hi to you via msg, I need lots of courage :( how.. What should I do ? Why am I like this ? Why am I so scared ?

Why am I like this ? :( you are still in my mind. This is hard. Its Freaking hard to forget you when I see you almost everyday. I wonder how you manage to forget me? If you can why can't I ? Why must I take so long to forget you? WHYYYYY ?? :(

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wah.. i've not post for long long time :(

Been busy and don't feel like posting..

Hmmmm... 

Am i doing to much? Why am i letting all the stress to me? Even if i am doing/trying too hard, no one will notice, Even if i want the best out of it, no one knows. Its like as if i am invisible and never get credit. Yes, people now a days very smart, they'll do their way to be NOTICED. Then whats the need of me now? you do on your own la.  No point i do it. Seriously no point.

Why must he always be praised? Have not i improve?! Again, am i invisible? -.- this is seriously freaking irritating ! 

ugh enough of all this !

What she said is true, i may lost someone, but there is sure someone better that will go to you. That really happen to me :) Without knowing , someone actually waited for me just to walk home together. Even if we have to separate at the bus stop. Thats pretty nice :D

At the same time, i find a certain people very irritating :( like stalker :( I don't feel like going to facebook anymore. Because whenever i appear online, POP there is a message. UGH. and it never stop. The poking on facebook becomes reality :<  seriously WHAT THE HELL ! :< 

well... nothing else to say. BYE .

If I can be 101% aware of my attitude and words towards people, I won't hurt people's feelings. I am human. I can't run awat frm all this. I make mistake. And I realise what I was doing. Why whenever you'Re angry, you must crack the past ? Am i really that 'evil' in your eyes ? Maybe . I seriously don'T know what to do.. I'm hurting inside, WHEN ON EARTH CAN ALL THIS STOP ?!!! :'(

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Ahhh... I am so obsessed with two songs in beethoven virus !! I wan to play can yoy hear me and passion on piano !!! Can yoy hear me, the song so sad :( the singer sang it very well !! Ahh.. Listen to it over and over again . I also wan learn passion. So nice !! Gahhhhh..

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There is just TOO many things I want to do in life. Currently I have a sudden interest in violin :D I also want to continue and bulid up my skills in piano.

I am seeing my future.. Haha. I don'T know if I can achieve all that :( but I will fight for what I want.. :D

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Currently watching Beethoven virus ! :) sooooo damn nice !! :D been watching it since yesterday until midnight :o HEHE. tomorrow going back to school and do as many homework i can :o
hehe bye. continue watching BV ;)

Okay long time nvr post le. So here it goes ALL abt band camp :D
Day one.
Syaqim and I were the only major running the band. was tough. Especially for us to decide certain things. I was freaking pissed off with someone. Simply doesn't want to AT LEAST listen what i have to say to support my stand. Simply want to go his own casual way :< WTF.
Not surprise for me to hear the sec one say that i am fierce. Well i am turning into a EVIL GIRL for the band to go FAR. well some may not understand. Perhaps one day they might. Its hard for me to handle things with my own friends. esp when they are doing something wrong or simply do not want to listen to major's instruction. Perhaps, they treat more like a friend then a major :/ thats hard and thats when i have to be evil. Not evil as in really evil but more fierce, firm and strict.
Day two
pretty better :D at curtain parts though. BUT i fall sick :( At night i couldn't sleep as i keep sneezing, coughing and also having a damn painful headache ;( went to mr oh and he took my temperature. Lucky no fever if not he said he will send me to hospital :o And that was at 2 AM :( Then mr oh ask miss huang and miss nur to bring me sleep with them :D woke up in the morning feeling much better UNTIL miss huang told me i have to go home. Cuase i've been coughing throughout the whole night and i am not that well :( WOAH :( then she walked me home until lift lobby :O hahas. so now i'm home blogging instead of resting :D
haiz. sian... seriously sian... :'(

Thats me when i was young. Yes i know, so different. LOL. i was told that when i was baby, i am so close with my father. Oh well, i said back "That time i was young and don't even know anything. Can't even think. Now is a total different thing alr." and she went speechless. LOL

Ugh... first week of holiday so busy with planning everything :( had to brainstorm everything. And i feel like i am doing everything ! :( I don't know if this is a gift or a challenge for me... i just don't know how to handle things .  I remember you once said "we will understand that you are just doing your job" but..... :(

haiz.... 

i know.. i have eyes, i can see. I have ears, i can hear. I have heart, i can feel !

Everyone is treating me differently alr. THANK YOU VERY MUCH !

Its holiday, and I want to do a lot of things. I've yet to plan when to do my homeworks :( somehow I'm so scared to go bck to sch. There is sure a lot of stress for eyo. Shit I can't imagine how bad it will be :( but for now there is a lot of things I wanna do during this one month break.. I got band,i have to do homeworks,i have to catch up with my studies,i wan to do volunteering work,i wan to enjoy with my friends, I wan to stay with my parents at jb. Ugh so many.. So worried :( how to plan ?? Haiz.. Headache manx.. LOL.one month only... Enough meh..

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Now i am on my home after i had my dinner and the parents meeting session. Woah in my entire secondary life, this year i broke my record for failing my math. Whats wrong with me?! I am not happy and sastified.. I die die going to work hard like hell!
For now not going to think abt it le. So far all okay :D all distiction :) but still got room for improvement :) been not feeling well aft dinner :( dizzy :( feels like pucking.. Ha okay bye.

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Yeah yeah i am always at fault! You ask me do this do that, i do and yet i still kena scolding frm you! Yeah yeah he is ALWAYS the best. Go ahead and defend him or whatsoever! Despite me scoring well for my exams, despite helping you with house chores, I AM ALWAYS AT FAULT. yes yes i get that a lot! Like seriously. I wonder what more problems will come to me?! What more can happen at sch and home?! Ugh.

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Wanted to post
BUT
NO mood. Pissed off. BYE.

What a great weekend i have :< seriously its sucks! Everyone is doing their own things and been treating each other as if they're invisible! Wtf?! Mum have not been cooking for three days?! If i knew this will happen i would have went out and not worry or invovle with their stupid attitude towards each other. Spoiled my mood like hell! Might as well divorce, do your own stuff and mind your own life. Idiot! I also don't wish to stay with you and your stupid attitude towards me. You think you're so perfect?! Then go and get a life. You don't even know how to take care of yourself, you want to take care of us?! And yet, after whatever we've done for you, you still ask for more?! Then go die la! If you don't exist in my life, i would not have to taste this suffering!! Call yourself a man?! Go to hell la! This year HariRaya, i am not going to forgive you. I am not not not going to forgive you. Only god knows how i feel. And only god will punish you for all you've done!

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Woke up early today and did nothing except for staring at my computer -.- everyone alseep.. Dad and bro woke up and went out. I was treated as if i am invisable -.- i get that A LOT. Fucking pissed off! Starve myself since yesterday afternoon!! How can i not be angry! Reach home from sch ystd, no food! Then i was treated like i'm invisable. Today morning also no food! Wah... Brother spoil my mood even more! Wtf!!

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Live without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending, Speak without offering.
I trust that everything happens for a reason, even if we are not wise enough to see it. Should I stay or should I go? Either way, I get hurt. It's sad when you realize you aren't as important to someone as you thought you were. maybe i am just someone .. maybe not someone.. maybe a TOY for you to play when you want to .. and when you get bored, you'll leave me aside. I get that a lot! :D you just want me to be with you so that i could go crazy with you.. so that i can make you happy.. YEAH MAYBE? well sometimes i feel this way but sometimes i am blessed.. so yeah.. not saying any names ! SO NOT REFERRING TO ANYONE HOR :D haha.

DEar math and eng, you both are going to make my report card look ugly! I get all straight A's except for you two!! Haiz.. I am so gonna stop the two of you from making my report card looks ugly for end of year!! Hahaha.
Went home no food, went to sleep and just woke up.. Was pissed of my brother! Whatsoever... K bye.

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So far all my results are okay ba. Hehe.
Physics A1
Chemistry A1
Malay A2
Geog A2
Math FLUNK. like hell..
There rest idk.. K its really 'not nice' whem its straight A's but one subject not A :( hoho.. Gonna strive harder! Frankly speaking i did not really study for Mye. So i am gonna buck up!! :D my mum is very happy with my results so far.. Hehe..

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPAW3thQHDg&feature=share
Our syf :( didn't sound like what i expected. LOL . Everyone was so emotional when playing... But when i hear back the recording... hmmmm :( k nothing much...
how i wish i can turn back and do something abt it :o LOL. so IMPOSSIBLE :D

Woah today like very sian for me :(

First period was math, got back our paper one... -.- haiyo... flunk flunk ! :( though i pass, was not very happy :( no hope for paper two.. so confirm fail math ! Aft that geography ! woah even worse.. all the failure remain standing. and i am one of them ! was so shock ! :o thn when teacher call my name "Athirah... 11/25... eh sry i missed out smth... you sit down first" i was like phew... but i was scolded and stand like an idiot for NOTHING . In the end, i passed :D Aft that, went dentist :( before me was herda, saw the dentist injected her mouth ! scary !! when its my turn, i hold to the mirror damn tight.. but since my teeth is okay , didn't took much time :D hehe.. ran up to class and took my physics result :D B3.. okay la... though i expect it to be A1/2 :( LOLOL. aft sch have to wait one hour for meeting... haiyo.... Didn't get to be facil ! :( sad sia.. haiz... but nvm... thn went home . TIRED TTM .

tomorrow, expecting to get chemistry, math paper 2 and malay. But ti don't think i will get to know my malay cause of the SYF celebration :o Then tmr still got CCA ! :O thn there will be majors meeting with sir :o GG sia.. sian.. another tiring day for me :( haiz... okay BYE. 

MATH PAPER 2 = KILLER !
seriously no hope alr for paper two. -.- hate the teacher :D lolol !
OKAY MYE FINALLY OVER :D phew.. BAND START ! YAY ! HOHO .
i should stop my habit alr :) i am just so glad that i finally did the right thing ! wohhooo! hurray ATHIRAH ! :D
hehe... okay i don't know what to post :o okay bye ... HAHAHA

That should be done long time ago, but its not too late, cause i did it and i really did ! :D Thanks to Amalina for forcing me to do whats best for me :) hehe .
Oh god, are you trying to tell me something through my dreams? if yes, please continue doing so.. i wish to know  who is that .
Tomorrow last paper. math paper 2. don't feel like doing revision today :/ LOL. Just reach home at ate my lunch after religious class.. so tired.. oh i shall rest now. BYE.

It should not bother me :) its OVER!
I am still thinking and wondering abt my dream yesterday... Somehow i want to know who is that.. :o haha. Anyway went rp today and did some revision :) all of us was pissed off by SOMEBODY. Ahaha. But yeah.. It was fun.. I am so tired.. Sleeping early tonight. Bye.

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What a nice dream i had last night? :) but i so called forget everyone that appear in my dream :( i am recalling who is the guy that was in my dream.. I forget :( so sad :( haiz.
Going out later maybe :) hehe. Okay bye.

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I am being who i am :) i finally can laugh out loud like who i am before. :) i am so happy being with my friends :) hehe :) everyday they made me laugh :) made me forget all my problems :) thank god for giving a friend like them :)

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I hate you, stay away from me! I am so not going to join my mother to plan for your birthday. You give her shit, you give me shit,i'll give you shit on your bloody birthday!!

Woo i am so mean.. So be it. LOL. Today physics was a give away :) can do well de :D yayay! Tomorrow chem.. And i did not study. Ugh. Since tmr paper start at 1040 i shall go to sch at 930+ and start revising ba :D hehe. I hope it will be easy like physics :) okay nothing to say. My mood is spoiled by some idiotic person in this house -.-

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HELLO :D math paper one was okay :) but my 8 marks fly away just like that ! :( UGH. haha. Tomorrow, ART 3 hours ! -.- prep work is still undone :( finish colouring one box.. still got 3 more. TIRED ! still need revise physics and chem ! woah ! All last min revision ! -.- aiyo... 
Just now math paper and Mt listening compre, i realise i was the one making alot of noise :( been coughing very bad :( sorry to those who were affected. LOL. okay gtg. got to do my art :(

Tomorrow starts the second phase of MYE. Math paper one. I dun know what to study. Looked through my notes only.. I am so nervous and scared if i cannot make it. I have the feeling that i will flunk all my subjects :( i am still chiong-ing with my art :( and i now i am sick! :( bad cough! And my asthma attack me this morning :( mummy asked vince pei me see doc.. But by the time he woke up, he call me, my asthma gone :D not totally gone but was not that bad though. So its a relief.. But he keep asking me see doc despite my asthma gone. LOL. He even bought me porridge and send it directly to my house :) haha.
Woah i seriously want to study.. But i don have the energy and mood :( walao... How... I very scared.... LOL.. :(

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Currently 1.23 AM watching live result Vote 2011 :D hah. Today is Mother's day. Nothing is plan LOL. But made a letter for her that will touch her heart de :D 
Art prep work ! I want to die le :( i struggling with it !! And i only have 3 days to finish up everything -.- This is my first time chiong my art exam ! haiyo... 
Bought new dress just now afternoon :D yay thanks mummy :) i love you :) 
okay BYE~ shall post pic on mother's day if there is any :p

:D Been having headache this few days :( ever since the faint :( went and see the doctor yesterday :D ate medicine at 4.30 and sleep until 7+ 0.0 haha ! Over dose cause ate 6 pills of panadol at sch! head damn pain and for chem test i stay strong :D LOL! i just realise that i have not ate medicine aft my lunch 0.0 no wonder i felt so dizzy still :( haha. 
Ugh have not start on my art exam!! and art exam is next tuesday! i only have 5 freaking days to complete it ! :O OMG! :( SOMEONE HELP ME! :( still got math hw and physics.. haiyo.. :( okay shall end here and i shall start with my homeworks :)

I fainted for the very first time! :o in the toilet somemore.. It goes like this, my tooth came out and there is alot of blood.. I cannot take it looking at the blood and i vomit.. Then my vision started to be black. And i fainted.. My head bang on the wall.. :( i woke up and i was lying down.. Lol. Until now my head still hurt and dizzy. Even after consuming two pills of panadol.. Gosh.. I don't like the feeling of going to faint..slowly the vision will become black.. Thats so ugh.. Haha. Okay need some rest now. Bye.

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I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that everyone i love (my family,him and wonderfools) left me and ends up hating me :( i cried non stop in my dream and when i woke up, i felt my pillow was wet. Really wet. My eyes were still filled with tears.. And i started crying again.. Only until 540am, i began to fell asleep.. When i woke up, my eyes were red and swollen.. Now i am scared if my dream becomes a reality.. :'(

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Why can't i feel love from everyone i love?! Its freaking empty inside here! :'(
Its 11.11pm now and i am still alone at home... Wondering if i should wait for them by staying awake.. Hell no. Why shd i right?! How many times must i go through a fight with them?! Things won't change! How many times must i cry for losing everyone i love?! :'( why must i keep tasting my salty tears??!
Oh god, i am too weak to go through all this.. All i could do is just cry.. Help me please.... Please..... :'(

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Have not been blogging like long time :D haha.
Language paper such a killer ! LOL ! Could not believe that i actually wrote the same story for both Eng and Malay compo! :) Eng was indirect but Malay was so damn direct! :) I almost cried while writing for Malay paper. and was affected during Malay paper 2 :( haiz..
I screwed up my Geog test :o last min revision :( LOL. haiyo.. But i was happy today though :) i wish that it will continues.. well..
Currently alone at home.. :( everyone went out mind their own business.. haiz.. so stupid of me to cook them dinner when don't even eat! such a waste!! Things won't change. will never change! :'( GREAT.

Yesterday when we were in the train, my parents suddenly ask how is me and sunny.. They crack some jokes just so that i won't be sad and they ask me to forget him. Hah. Okay bye.

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You don't exist anymore. As far as i'm concern, you're DEAD in my eyes!

Once i say i hate, there's no turning back for me. I can nvr let myself another chance to suit myself with you all, no matter what our relationship is.
You are the person i hate the most! Fucking most! You showed bad examples! She is stupid and blind to have you!! I don't deserve a ****** like you! Idiot! I am NOT glad to have you! And i will never ever ever forgive you!!!! I won't take back my words and thats for sure!
If not for you, we won't be like this!! EVERYTHING STARTED FROM YOU! So don't blame me for hating you! Don't blame me for not giving you a chance!
If i know that my life will turns out this way, i will not want to be born!

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Yesterday after school was the most embarrassing moment ever! That was the first time i could not control my feelings.. And in the end i cried OUT LOUD like a mad women infront of half of my classmates! I went home and continued to cry.. I felt so weak and worthless. I couldn't talk to anyone.. I ask them to leave me alone.. I totally felt ugh. :(
I need to go out.. To calm myself down.. Haiz..

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I want this to end. Even if i can't take it. i really want this to end. no point pretending.


Hey :) have not been blogging this week :o BUSY ~ with band -.- phew finally i can catch up with my studies. No more cca until after exams. :) Today was very pissed with my mum :( i was force to go to religious class if not my mum will call Mr oh and she won't allow me to go for band practice -.-' !!! Basically things that happen this week was, hospice care, honors day. Hospices care was fun ! :) for the very first time i played piano for them :) yay !! Its was fun :) then 5 RI student came :) hehe. okay thats all :) hmm Honors day nothing special -.- i don't give a damn to that. LOL. Aft Honors day went SSC hei sushi for meeting :D
okay nothing else to say :) BYE ~

Me betrayer? Right thanks! BOBO! Its not worth for me going back. What can i do?? NOTHING. Just simply have fun -.- i don't want to be the 'nuetral' anymore. I leave without any reasons and you talk bad things abt me. WELL DONE! i simply didn't want to talk things out! No use telling anyone abt it. Even my own mother don't want to hear what i want to say and she start making conclusion that i am at fault! Bobo! Really thanks ar! Tell me what i do la. I betray?! Since whn?! I simply leave the grp ONLY right?! I still got treat you like friends right?! BOBO! Really thanks ar for EVERYTHING!

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Its going to be a busy week :(
Monday: physics test for band members + band.
Tuesday: band
Wednesday: honors day rehersal + extra lesson
Thursday:band
Friday: free
Ugh.... :( for the very first time in my secondary sch life, i failed my math test! Nice one Athirah. Slacking day by day.. Sec fours stepping down liao. Meaning i become CM liao.. gg lo.. LOL.
Attention seeker lo.. >:<
I should have done this long long time ago.. If i could, i just want to let it out to you! Ugh. Now its even.. Happy? Now no one will be the 'center-person' ! I am no longer a 'centre-person'. I won't regret and i won't go back.
His birthday is coming :x darn it..

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it may be a bronze to the judges but a rich silver band to us ! :)
it doesn't even matter :) its all the hard work that we put in and we all DID enjoyed ourself :) WOOHOO :D good job :)


huhu :) yesterday, after performance, i cried with a happy tears ! TEARS OF JOY :) It was simply awesome. I was like "is this my band?" hahaha ! but when reach sch, gotten the result, we ended up getting a bronze, i cried again :( it was so hard to believe it . Well even when i expected that we will get bronze i don't really want it to happen... Haiz, then went eat dinner at KFC with Rebecca, her treat :) hahas :) But the judges really don't know that we improve tremendously ! That's why no point crying over split milk... we can judge ourself :) and we know that we are a STRONG SILVER BAND ! and no one can deny that !! :) 
So today aft sch, went watch movie :) Rio :) was awesome :) enjoyed myself :) ahaha ! i was posses by Blu now ! hahas !! LOLOL ! Then aft movie , went and find Teck Whye ppl at seoul Garden. Met them and say Hi. Met Yueqin and was over excited that everyone stare at us !! :D okay then Teck whye results is : COP. :(   feel sad for them .. but its over liao... 
Seriously now, i don't know what to say. I don't know if i should say.  I seriously don't need you to emphasize on that f***** word -.- Do things at the right time please. i freaking pissed abt this and i am rather sad and disappointed too !!! ugh forget it.. BYE.

Finally SYF is over :D it may be a broze to the judges but it is a rich silver gold to us. The judges don't know how we struggle to give this kind of performance. Perhaps this year, they are strict thats why we get bronze. But who cares, we all enjoyed ourself. Almost everyone burst into happy tears :D we really did a great job. I am really happy and impressed :) i am tired now and i wan sleep. Shall post more tmr :)

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To my band members, tmr is the day where we will show all our hard works, sacrifices from last year November. Lets not all worried abt the colour of the medal. Lets just go there and enjoy ourself ! Go there and show our TRUE COLOURS ! show them what we are capable of doing ! Lets not get affected by the other bands out there. Focus our mind. If you are nervous, practice deep breathing. If you are scared, call someone and sing through the pieces tgt. Do whatever it takes to calm yourself. Remember all the things that sir taught us, shape our music with dynamics. Most importantly please watch sir. I wish us all the best :) jiayou :) 
ps don't forget to bring all the necessary items ( check it 3 times :) ) .

The weirdest thing is ; i woke up with tears in my eyes and one rolling down my cheek and I knew I must have been dreaming of you again. Sometimes I pretend I don't care, because I know it'd be completely pointless to express what I feel to the person who regards me as nothing.


i feel so STUPID :( it is really stupid! i wonder why i still preserver when i know i should not -.- like WTF! Do i need to go counselling -.- damn pissed sia. ugh.. 
Tomorrow SYF finally! Aft SYF i can finally focus on my studies . But seriously aft SYF, we got no break -.- we still need to catch up for the Honors day -.- !!! ugh... 
ALL THE BEST my beloved band members.. just do your best :) JIAYOU ~
   

Its empty. I could feel that in me :( i am rather sad without any reason.
Now then i realise that today is the 5th again. Well shouldn't be bothering me though.......


Tmr geog test.. OMG .. Die liao :/ Flunk all sub de... confirm, double confirm ! LOL! seriously disappointed in me :( i could have spend my time wisely and plan it accordingly. When its Band, its Band but when its Studies, Its studies ba ... haiz.. 
One day to rest before the actual SYF :/  frankly speaking, i predict that we gonna get bronze. The standard that the judges set this year is Higher then the previous years. Base on the result of other sch such as Ang mo kio, From GWH to Gold.. :/  can predict much though.. its tougher.. but if we were to sustain a silver i will be damn happy :) 
haiz.. i can hardly smile right now :/ 

From now on, i will not bother any of you alr. You do your own things and i do mine. Go ahead and be biased! I f****** don't care! How i wish i could stay with my god family (where there is love and peace)!!! :( haix..

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It took me few hours to do that. I don't even know why i am doing that. But seeing you smile makes me happy :) 
*Countdown* 3 more freaking days to SYF :/ haiz.. :) we can do it de :) 
seriously i am so piessed with my family -.- !! TTM ! -.- 

I am scared and worried but nobody cares except for one :) but i really want to see a doctor.. My mom took this lightly -.- now that it hurts for 3 days, negative things came into my mind.. -.- if it continues to hurt, i will not have time to go clinic liao. I still went and do research and the result really frighten me :\ and i don't want to get involve for tmr pe.. I scared it will worsen the condition :( damn paranoid now.... Ugh..

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You think thats hardcore? Then accept it lo. Hardcore or not, i've made up my mind. So stop trying. Just give up. I will never go with you.

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I love people messaging me 'good morning' :)

My rib hurts :( tell my mummy, she don't give a damn. -.- fine.. I feel like watching night movie.. Its been donkey years since i watched a movie with someone...Hmmm.. LOL. Next week is a busy week :( there is geog,physics,nafa test :( i am going to skip physics and nafa test due to syf.. But i still need to re take. Haiz.. Frankly speaking i slack damn alot -.- shit.. I need to catch up back!! Haiyo..

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Its freaking EMPTY, and there is nothing i could do.

Today was freaking tired, all no mood for school. Thank god, no geog test!! :D phew. was so sleepy throughout every lesson 0.0 :D

I had a great lunch today ! Can't believe that the both of us was in the KFC for like more than 3 hours. :D we keep on talking and talking and talking but it was a memorable time tgt i could say :) heart to heart conversation ma  :D went home at 6.30 and my stomach hurts like hell -.- LOL! Now wondering if tmr there is chemistry lesson -.-' i thought its going to be postpone to some other day lo? so now wad -.- talking abt chem, when i walk home, i saw Mrs whelean and her daughter 0.0 she act so kind lo -.- i wan puke leh... LOL! k i so bad :p LOL! seriously i don't think there is any lo. so @ Zixin : No chem lesson tmr la ! 3-5 have thats their problem ba? She said postpone right??? cause some ppl cannot make it ma -.-

Okay seriously my stomach hurts so bye ba :)

Hell yeah, it should not bother me THIS FREAKING MUCH ! :/ darn it lo... tsk.

went Woodlands stadium with Zixin, and yeah she's late for the second time -.- LOL! went there with an empty stomach, thn see ppl run under the damn hot sun -.- HELLO SUNBURN ! -.- damn bored lo! since my class so little ppl come, Hairul make us cheer and cheer and cheer -.- When its inter-cca run, i ws the first runner -.- and yes, it was the SAME feeling that i felt when i was runing for 400m during p6 :D damn nervous, but thanks to my last runner, we ermerg 1st! WOHOO! boys inter-cca, TOO!!! :D so happy lo :D GOLD LEH! this means we must also get GOLD for SYF! thats my biggest hope man ! So aft sports day, went eat lunch, and was few minutes late for band -.- for the very first time -.- ahaha :)) finally bad girl ! LOL! Conduct the band, with very small and little action -.- was freaking tired, so no energy :( well, Monday cca, Tuesday too and that will be our last practice and one day rest then SYF ! :/ woah times flies so fast :/ 

Ugh, tmr geog test ! darn it ! i didn't study :/ 

idk whats wrong, but EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE WRONG. i am affected by it including my studies lucky not band yet, YET! seems like my ca2 will flunk badly :( this is sad :(( haiz..

Never want things to turn out this way ! If  there were a time machine i would turn back and make a better choice ! :( now that i have made a WRONG choice, i have to keep going alone... Its rather sad. sigh.

Today english test slept for 20 min ! I dreamt of something and it made me feel as if i slept for a long time 0.0 ahaha. k , i receive a card form my wife :) was so touch that i cried :) ♥ yay ! :) ahha ! Love her damn lots :D ♥

k tmr home base learning + sound test ! tis time round we wear full band unifrom! yay ! :D like so cool :) thn if nvr finish any assignment will be excused ! woah so good :D yay ! Okay i guess thats all :)

I guess i have to move on from here. Learn to walk on my own. But i've not yet see and hear with my own eyes and ears on what you should do.. i am still waiting for it to happen.

I am on my way back home from religious class. I learn damn alot.. It made me realise certain things :) we didn't get to do something that i was looking forward! Damn sad.. But its okay :) still got next week :) well i guess now i have to make up my mind like what my teacher ask me too. Sometimes i feel like going to him(teacher) and ask for help abt certain things :) i just don't dare to ask...

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I can't believe, i cried for the whole afternoon yesterday and to my sleep !! What on earth was i thinking?!

Went choir concert just now :) since Peilin gave me a free ticket :D enjoyed myself :) they sang until made me cried :)

I think i am not myself alr .. if you think i am then i am FAKING ! i am not going to look/wait for another !! Let it just come naturally 0.0 i hate to hurt people and yes i did hurt someone this afternoon -.- sorry! You'll find someone better some day and its not me :) 

Its' ain't easy for me :( i just let it out everything by crying :( seems like its not working... damn stupid being here !! STUPID !! Like wtf !!

I don't get it why :( now i guess, i know why... I made the WRONG decision ! very very very wrong. For that i don't think i am into another one ..... Let it be this way.. let me be this way for i am the one at fault .

This is so unexpected -.-
Receive alot of compliments abt our performance :) was so glad and happy abt it :) went class late :) then aft sch had a touch of love programme. That time my patner told me something that was so unexpected.. I can't believe it :x reach home online facebook, receive the same news but this time diff person :x so its two person :\ lucky the irritating not in my sch :) hah k, i don't Have anything to say le, had a long day, so bye..

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Never i felt this way before :( i felt guilty to have this kind of feeling over and over and over AGAIN ! :( 

Yesterday, i didn't get to sleep well :( went to bed at 10 but was able to sleep at 11 i think :o 

At 3AM in the morning,  father came into my room and start cursing and scolding my mom that quietly slept in my room :o I was so irritated that i almost wanted to scold my father for creating nuisance at 3AM! From there i could not really get back to my sleep, as i was too cautious of the time :x i scared i over slept :/ s o the whole morning in sch was such a torture for me :( my eyes could not take it when it was CE when Mdm Aishah keep talking and talking :/ went home slept until 6.50 o.o ahaha :) now worried if i can't sleep ltr, then the cycle will repeat again :o darn it lo :/ Britney not coming tmr :/ i am so not going to substitute her !! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ! 

It was the first time, i felt calm performing to the crowd, and this was the first time i really enjoyed playing with the band :) WEE ~ it was such a wonderful expreience :D hope we will do even more better than today or the same as today but NOT below !! must go beyond beyond beyond :) haha k will strive for tmr :) well i've got nothing to say le :) so BYE ~

Wohoo :D such a success just now morning performance :) despite all of us were so sleepy :x LOL ! nice one :D receive praise over and over :) i hope tmr will be even more better :D *finger cross* ! 0.0 k i wanna have a nap now :) shall post ltr :) BYE ~

HELLO :D k so random :) 

MT was shiok :) get to use air-con at multi purpose room for two days (yesterday & today) :D nice lo :) then can do work so comfortably :D ahaha :) hand in ALL my holiday assignments ON TIME :D yay ~ LOL!  receive my class tee -.- was okay nia -.- colour so striking leh -.- and it cost $15 :) can la can la :)

Just now sec one training, didn't really teach them :/ just patrolling nia :) some of them like bobo sia -.- i like wan to slap them :x then now many sec 1 say i am fierce -.- BOBO ~ k whatever.

UGH tomorrow BIG DAY !! performance ~! ohno ! darn it ! 6.30 must be in sch -.- ugh so early :( but good thing is i get to skip my MATH LESSON !! :D yay~ 

Ugh Thursday i have to skip band for 2h -.- for the stupid CIP -.- lucky i wasn't chosen for the PESA :) wee ~ i was almost gonna be selected but i said i need to concentrate on my SYF so cannot :DD 

hmm i think i am going to bed @ 9PM ? 0.0 sleep so early also can't guarantee that i can wake up on time :( i need almost 4 wake up call from diff ppl man !! Adawiyah is one, but the other 3 ? :( oh no :( if i late darn it sia -.- (major remind everyone @ facebook but she herself late -.-) LOLOL!!

Oh yeah, yesterday weather so weird -.- after dinner, walk home, lightning and thunder scares me !! I became paranoid at a moment :o then rain awhile and not so heavy -.-  next morning wake up, hell its raining heavily -.- LOL! then my shoe wet :( haiz :/

k i am bored now ! so BYE !

To my beloved band members,

I know that we are all aiming to get Gold / Gold with honours. I would say that we do improve in making music. But where has our discipline gone to? I am wondering if you were taking every single band exchange seriously. I am wondering if you took it like SYF simulation. Your attitude show me otherwise. We were not co-operative with the one giving instructions. Some of you simply play a fool. After we performed, we were restless and tend to make noise. We were lucky that today exchange, we were the second band to perform, everyone gave their attention but do we give our attention in return? I admit i did not. But i realise that i was wrong. Sometimes we just have to put ourselves into other people's shoes. I am sure we do not want to perform when the audience is busy talking right? Despite reminding to keep quiet, none actually listen. I hope that the punishment that we, majors gave made you realise something. I totally feel that we lost our sense of urgency. I am not sure  if we are ready for SYF. I am sorry if i have made anyone of you angry or if i scold you or being harsh on you. Pls forgive me for that. i Just want we all to realise that we have only 19 more days to SYF. please take full band,sectionals,exchanges,performance a serious case.I hope to see improvements . Frankly speaking i am disappointed with this year batch though. in term of disciplinary and attitude.

Athirah

-ACM.

Omg its full moon again !! :DD 

haha okay okay :) Today has been a tiring day for me :( went to school completed my math and half geog. haiz. will continue tmr ba since i have no religious class tmr :) i didn't ate breakfast and lunch :( until now. No food= no dinner :( aw. band exchange was rather inspiring :D get to hear the standard of a gold band :) but i don't think our band is there yet :( majors did double punishment :( it was so tiring and disappointed :( gosh ~ i feel like writing something to my band :x hmmm, next post :)

Yay i just finished my ace :D so it left me with 4 math question for 3.5 and 3/4 geog. Ohmy~ i think i should be finishing my homwork by tmr :) going sch EARLY AGAIN! just for the sake of my homeworks :) so tmr will be a tiring day for me :( oh well , i've been so guai :) never even get to enjoy or go out for this one week :( sad sia :( 

i think i am going to sleep aft this since i want yo go sch early.. and i noticed now a days, at night, i will be having headache :( ahhh.. Haha okay nighty people :) may tmr be a good and fresh day for us :)

wee ~ new skin :) hahas :) not bad rite? AHAHA :) 

Oh great i left with ace leraning, 4 math question and geog and i am done :D 

I've been in school from 8-1 just now :) being a good girl and do my homework with rebecca♥ :D

Went home ate my lunch and slept :O was so damn tired :( and i think i am going to do ace today :) wee~

Its FRIDAY , time flies so fast :( haiz. Tmr band exchange :) first time held in the afternoon :o oh well JIAYOU :) huhuhuhu :) Wednesday and Thursday's asssembly we'll be performing :D and after that it's time for serious case : SYF ! In 20 more freaking days ! :o ohmygosh~~ :x

think positive :D jiayou :)

ahaha :) i am now so lonely at home :( everyone abandon me :( so sad :( LOLOL! 

okay bored~ ByE~

I simply have no reasons :) i am proud of myself :) i did what i know best for me :) i killed two birds with one stone WOW  :) haha :) 

I simply love to see full moon :) its beautiful :)

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Wohoo :) i am Le Xin :) ni hao :) hahaha :)
Omg suddenly so worried abt my hw :( oh no :( i wan to do math but idk how do :( maybe shall start on others first ba :( will post abt wad happen this afternoon ltr ba :)

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just now saw a research said that biting a pencil could cure headache :D i tried and it works :D FASINATING :)
when i was at primary sch age, i love to bite pencil lots :p till it become a habbit 0.0 then idk why i stop :) LOL. ahhh childhood memories ! can i go back to that time :(

Yesterday was so tiring... Went sch early and completed my english speech ONLY ! -.- sianz.

still got tons of homework undone.. Going to do ONE of it later ba :) haha :)

Bored like hell :( stoning at home only (like got nothing better to do.. ) zz -.-

You would be surprise to see what happen to me yesterday :o but that time i was alone :) if there were someone with me that time, that person will be shock like hell :D (seriously) haha . LOLS i also don't know why i like that -.- and my head hurt like hell -.-

ugh how i wish i could just start my life all over again . There's so many things i would want to change :(

Ugh i don't know wad to do now.. I guess i have to keep on smiling and move on... Move on from every single thing that affect me... Haiz....
How i wish i have a time machine.... :(

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i've been stoning for the past few min aft buying some stuff at 888 :x

BORED TO HELL ~ 

glad tmr cca :) then going sch early and do some hw first :) yay :) 

My goodness ! i am so bored ! i lazy iron clothes ! piles piles of clothes -.- sian leh....... ugh.............

Can't believe this... i have to go back down and buy the correct thing that my mom wants ! ugh bye !

Thanks hor,  i get that alot ! that was such a lame excuse !

next time just be direct can ma ? no need to be so indirect ! as if your such a coward !

Feel so empty in me . There's nothing i could feel right now :( simply lost all sense of feelings 0.0 ~ !

ugh -.-

There's nothing left to say .

K bye !

Woke up at 5 and now on my way to bedok with adawiyah. Doing some volunteering work :) k bye.

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I think i get it. But i am still waiting for you to say it DIRECTLY. !!!
K bye.

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Its scares me TTM :x ugh.. Headache is getting from bad to worse. :(
Walao his such a stalker! Very irritating and scary! Can't give me peace for at least a day :/
Send my brother to sch and off he go for his camp :D yay! :) happy much :) i think i want to bake again :) this time round bake alone :) then give my neighbours :) ahaha :)
Okay head hurt. Ugh k bye.

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I woke up late today, and didn't go to sch.. :( but i am down with very very pain headache and cough.. So its a good thing that i did not go to sch. LOL.

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Yesterday aft having dinner at cwp, we walked home. I purposely closed my eyes and walk. Suddenly something strike into my mind. I ask myself. Walking with eyes close is like leading your own life. You don't know and you can't see what lies ahead but you have to continue walking. You don't even know if its safe or if there is any obstacles ahead.. You don't even know if you'rr walkong the right way...All you have to do is to trust and continue walking. If you were to fall, you have to stand up and continue. Its exactly like leading your life.. You can't see and you don't know what lies ahead your future. But you have to continue living and move on.. Sometimes we don't even know if our choice/path we are in right now is the right place to be..Problems is like obstacles, we must know how to overcome it to move on. Well i guess its true :) ahaha :) just some sharing :) i suddenly have this kind of thinking 0.0 ahah :)
Anyway today band was okay :) 28 more days to the actual SYF! i am so nervous now :( i want a GOLD!! SERIOUSLY! haiz. I think i loosing my voice 0.0 teach my juniors like hell. But worth it :) aft syf sec four is stepping down 0.0 meaning i am no longer going to an ASSISTANT concert master 0.0 oh my.. Nvm stay strong :)

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Sometimes people don't aprriciate our presence ! people don't aprriciate what we have done for them. People are just TOO stupid to think all this ! And they are such a fool to play this "blaming" game !! Without even reflecting upon themself, they're pointing fingers at others ! Who are they to say that they are right ?! Even when a 10 years old kid arguing with an adult, its possible for the kid to fight back with the adult, if the kid did some thinking and reflecting upon himself ! -.- not ALL adults is always right !

Wah today i almost alte for school :x woke up at 7.15 am -.- chiong and run to school!  0.0 actually wanted to skipped sch, but my father force me go -.- oh well :) maybe because i ate too much panodol last night that made me overslept :D but seriously my headache is getting worse :( been receiving holiday homework alr :( idk when to start.That one whole week of holiday, i will be having CCA :( monday,thursday, and saturday :( like got no time to finish everything :o LOLS. just now english class was so epic ;D my patner and i bad mouth abt one person :D ahaha ! :)

i feel like something is not right.. i feel like something is missing...

Do you have symptoms of clinical depression? Sure, most of us feel sad, lonely, or depressed at times. And feeling depressed is a normal reaction to loss, life's struggles, or an injured self-esteem. But when these feelings become overwhelming and last for long periods of time, they can keep you from leading a normal, active life. That's when it's time to seek medical help.

If left untreated, symptoms of clinical or major depression may worsen and last for years. They can cause untold suffering and possibly lead to suicide. Recognizing the symptoms of depression is often the biggest hurdle to the diagnosis and treatment of clinical or major depression. Unfortunately, approximately half the people who experience symptoms never do get diagnosed or treated for their illness.

Not getting treatment can be life threatening. More than one out of every 10 people battling depression commit suicide.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:

• difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions [YES]
• fatigue and decreased energy [YES]
• feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness [YES]
• feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism [YES]
• insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping [YES]
• irritability, restlessness [DAMN YES]
• loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable [feels like it]
• overeating or appetite loss [YES]
• persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment [YES!]
• persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings [YES!!]
• thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts [In the past , yes, now idk]

Am i under depression ?! -.- its like all the symptoms i am having now ! -.-  shan't think abt it too much :x
oh btw my speech was VERY WELL DONE :D yay.. my name will not be written in the diary :) phew :)  just now sec one training was super damn frustrating -.- idk if i was the problem or they who is the problem -.- but i was totally irritated and frustrated by everyone ! -.- 
Okay i am so restless now~ BYE!

OH MY .... i hate my english teacher -.- ! For once, i laughed out loud in class, wasn't paying attention but i did do my work ! She can't even give face and let me go ! -.- tmr consequences ; read out my homework and if it is not to her expectations, she will tell mdm aishah abt my behavior in class just now ! WALAO ~ i know i am at fault la, but as if i did that many times ! can't give a chance is it?! aiyo ! For once want to be hyper, because people keep on saying i so emo -.- now hyper kena consequences .... zzz =.= like WTH !
okay did my HOMEWORK -.-
just now band, wow TIRING ! long time no drills, and today drill was so intestive ! eventhough i did not do, but giving command is also tiring man ! i gotta shout like a MAN ! O.O its hard ): its easy for Shane and Syaqim lo.. cause they guy ma... haizz.. But YAY ! finally feels like a Major :D ahahaha ! other than giving command for drills, i did conduct the band just now :D seems like every start of band practice, i've been the one conducting :D yay ! then i get the opportunity to shout "  BAND DIAM ! *give out instructions* " HAHAH :D fun but very very tiring and need lots lots of courage :D ahaha :)  
I very fast worker leh 0.0 i am like the first one to finish all the art work given... now i gotta slack abit :D ahaha :) my head hurts... its been hurting since just now in school 0.0 okay gotta finish my math hw..  BYE ~

Yesterday, we watched i am number four ; midnight show. It was nice :) looking forward for the second part. :) too bad my cousin didn't join us, if not it would be awesome :( perhaps going to have another movie outing with them some other time. Maybe friday :)
Kbye

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Fake smile can never be seen or noticed.
Fake smile can hide every single sadness in your face. Therefore its better to fake a smile than to tell what's going on :D
Just now english, i won the best speech of the day :) wee ~ spoke abt how hard being a Concert Master :) and i won :) Yay :).
Oh darn it :O tmr band exchange!! We going fajar sec. And there will be a total of 8 sch!! Thats alot!! OMG :O. I will be totally nervous! And i will tremble while playing :( it happened like to all the band exchange :( and i just realised, every band exchange, i cried :x that shows i have not show my very best yet. I have still not stood out for my two solo's :( haizz.. 4-5 more week and its SYF! it took months to be perfect. And no matter how perfect every band were during band exchange or band practice, they can break down during SYF due to fear and nervous and all effort is such a waste. Therefore i don't think playing perfectly is the first thing to do. But overcoming fear must be the first thing to do :) ahaha :) shd be telling the band abt this ahaha :)

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Who am i to you?! Who am i to everyone?! I meant nothing to everyone right?! NOTHING RIGHT?!
I just reach home and my house is such a mess! I wonder what my BROTHER (which i no longer consider as one) doing from afternoon till now! NONE of the housework is done by him! I went into the kitchen, No food! Then i receive a msg frm my mother.. She asked me to cook rice and dish for them to eat! Then she ask me to do housework everything and i must make sure that every single housework is done and when she reach home everything is clean. I came back frm sch, very tired, very hungry, i still got hw and revision to do.... I still did what i have to do as a daughter! I did!! But despite all that, NONE appriciate it! Not even a single thank you. BUT an insult was given!! INSULT!! OMG WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON?!!!!! I GET SCOLDED FOR DOING THE WRONG THING BUT HE NEVER GET SCOLDED WHEN HE DID NOTHING! AND I MEAN NOTHING!!!! AT LEAST I HELP BUT I DO WRONGLY RIGHT!!! MY FATHER CALL ME NAME! MY FATHER BEAT ME UP!!! JUST FOR ONE BLOODY MISTAKE!!! ISN'T IT UNFAIR!!! UNFAIRR!!! TRUELY UNFAIR!!!!!! I HATE ALL THIS!!!! I HATE EVERYONE!!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!! DO I DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS?! I AM LOST!! TOTALLY LOST!! I CAN NO LONGER KEEP ALL THE PAINESS TO MYSELF!! IT HURTS ALOT! IDK WHO TO GO TO!! I AM LOST!!!! :'( :'(

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Today wad such such such a bad luck for me.. Bad day for me! I was irritated by my patner! She keep talking to the girls behind then she sat side ways and shake her leg -.- nvr pay attention then ask me teach.. I lazy teach i just hack care.. Thn band, someone made my flute fell and thanks ar! Now my flute SPOIL! not even an apology was given! _l_ now i have to bear with a SPOILED FLUTE -.- then aft full band when cleaning my piccolo, the cloth stuck and was very hard to remove even jie zhi could not take it out. So had to trouble sir, and it made sir's stomach hurt :( haizxx.. Wad a day for me. Even my mood like sotsot de.. Haixxx

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Woo i am posting early in the morning on my way to sch :)
What a way to start my day. -.- well its has been the same through out.. It will always start with a tears and end with a tears. How wonderfool is that... How i wish my life is as plain and as pure as a white wall.. Now my life of white wall is full of black spot all over and cracks all over too! It will soon collapse anyway :D
Reaching sch le. BYE.

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last night, I cried . Again . Thinking and wondering why must it be me ? why must it happen to me ? WHY WHY WHY ? -.- i tried to keep on smiling and laughing though. but inside i am really dying -.-

Ahaha :D random :)

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People don't understand me or is me who don't understand people?! Is sure people don't understand me! Thats why i am always the one at fault! The one who is always blamed!!!! Irritating!!! Pissed off man!!!! If only my dream was real.. If only i was not born on this earth! If only my life is so bright!! :'( :'( its beyond my hands to control all this.. Perhaps its fated to for me to be born in this kind of situation(s)!!!!! :'( which i don't wish to be! Which i don't like! Which i hate to be in!!

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for my beloved;
open up my heart,
and see that i love you so much.
i truly do.

Yay new blogskin :D ahaha.. since i got nothing to do.

Today is Saturday ! and i wake up so early -.- haiyo ! can't get myself back to sleep le :(
early in the morning, people spamming me with their missed calls le. because i didn't go for the sports heats ! :D ahaha ! Alot of people frm my class didn't go too ! Monday mdm aishah will sure talk abt it -.-
i had a bad dream yesterday night. but i don't remember abt wad :( sad.

I am living a life full of darkness! Not even a single sunlight can be seen in my life. How pathetic..
Go on and let out your frustration to me.. Go on and scold me. Go on and blame me. I am ALWAYS at fault. I am selfish. I am inconsiderate. I am bad girl and a bad daughter..
You made one very very very wrong mistake.. Which is to bring me alive here on this earth... Regret it right?
You don't even know that i tried to cooperate! At least i tried!! Rather than not! Despite my homeworks and tiredness i still did help you! Did you even at least said a thank you?! NO! but if he were to help you with one simple thing, you will praise him and compare him with me! BIASED! BIASED! BIASED! i tell you i had enough! I am suffering inside you don't even know! School different case, home different case!! Where on earth is peace for me?! No one know my misery! Have i ever tell you or complain anything to you?! I did not! He made mistake, you blame and scold me! Can all this nonsense stop??!!!!
I am really tired!!!! I am tired facing all types of challenges! I am tired crying all night letting out the pain.. I am truely tired.. Can you please give me some peace?! :'( :'( :'(

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Finally its Thursday tomorrow ! :D a day off from studies and a day full of music ! :D YAY ! :) Will be leaving class @ 9am :) and will be back @ 2.30pm :) one minutes spend in the Singapore conference hall cost $12! Can you imagine if sir were to give us 5 min toilet break?! What an expensive toilet break it would be ! ^-^ AHAHA !:D will get ready my blazer later ba :) 


i am not going to care anymore ~
How i wish i could be a bird and fly far away from all the problems.
I am not here to waste and taste my salty tears. I am here not here to feel how depression is like. I had enough. I am not here to feel the pains. I had enough of EVERYTHING. 
Sooner or later, IMH will be new home sweet home for me :D and those people will be dearly best friends! ahaha! wow 0.0 
what is my purpose on this earth? i've yet to find out.. 
my life is so lifeless and miserable... i had enough.. i am sick and tired of reflecting upon myself.. 

I felt so weird going out alone, eat dinner alone. LOL. After sch, i went hospital alone. Yay this time round doctor never scold me :) waited for my number so long sia :x aft that went eat alone. Lols. Since i am with uniform everyone stare at me 0.0 aiyo. Then walk to yishun mrt with my heavy bag :( then got one constrution infront, i didn't noticed, i step onto the wet siment. Then the workers scold me. My fault meh? Is they never warn me lo. Never put any sign also! Then anyhow scold people! Siao. Aiyo so tired sia.. I want thursday come faster please.... I wan to have a day off from studies and a day full of music ^-^ ahaha :)

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I did not sabo you neither did i want to make things worse! You should not have said that in the first place. In fact that was not the first time you criticize people and make people sad. Like i've said, you done this too many times liao.. I accepted you apology too many times liao.. but you keep on repeating the same old mistake. Only now i took the action! If no one were to make any action, you might discourage more and more people that can make things turn out even WORSE. You did apologise to me the other the day but it was hard for me to accept your apology this time round. I am sorry that i took this kind of actions. My intention was not to sabo you, but to resolve this problem ASAP. SYF is coming, if i did not take any action, you might discourage more people and they might pull themselves out form the SYF when we want the whole band to be on stage...  

You had the balls to stab and insult people, and didn't have the melons to own up. Grow some watermelons la!
You think a sorry is enough? i know your attitude okay! I've been giving you lots of chance and i've been surviving with you and your nonsense for TWO YEARS! This isn't the first time it happen. In fact i am not the only victim. But i dare and took up the courage to tell the teachers. Because i do not want this to happen to others too ! and i do not want people leaving just because of this. Like one of the history. I know You felt guilty but Why you never own up? Why must you ask me if i were the one that told the teachers? Why must this case be brought up on monday again? Why don't you want to settle it just now? Coward? Or you don't even realise you were the one? I do not want to pick you out or point finger at you... I just hope, you own up ASAP ! you have the guts to stab and insult people, so why don't you have the guts to own up? the longer you made us wait for you to own up, i will feel the pressure and i will think i am at fault for bringing out the case. so please..~ WAKE UP !

Am i at fault? I doubt so. Perhaps history repeats again. But it repeat to make things become better. There isn't a perfection moment in life.. Perhaps i am at fault. But i could not take it any longer! You are hurting and discriminated me so badly. I am not just doing for my own sake but I am doing this for EVERYONE sake. If you are at fault, i suggest you go own up to the teachers... This might just turn into a big case :'( i am feeling the tention now.. :'(

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I felt relief after giving the letter to Mr Oh. Now i just have to wait for his reply tomorrow. And tmr is band exchange.. I scared i need to conduct the band :( haiz... Now i am not diyana's house watching movie :) its so nice :) i am going to lend her DVD and watch at home :) haha. All seemed so nice :) haha. :) i have tons of homework sia :( darn it :( haiz..

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ARGH.. Today was such a bad day for me... i guess..
I heard rumors that.totally spoils my mood . I get 14/15 for chemistry :x i get 29/40 for math and 8 marks gone for such a careless mistake ! I have to re-take my scales ! And among all this i was totally upset when i have to re-take...... Assistant concert master can FAIL . HILARIOUS ! feel like steeping down from being a CM. i am not fit to be given as that role. I would not have cried badly if i was just a normal band member and if i was told to re-take.. i rather be a normal band members and make mistakes... i am now given a title of "Assistant concert master" and yet i can fail my scales.. what will ppl say? i have ppl saying "like this can become concert master?" it discourage me alot from doing things i want and it can also affect me from doing well in band. And before going for the test, i have ppl saying " i hope you fail. Just now lo hei, i keep toasting and say;Hope athirah fail audition ! " instead of wishing me luck . I know for myself that i would not be a good CM. i know my strength and weaknesses. What on earth the teachers sees in me?! There is people out there who wants and fit to be a CM ! Should i really step down.... this might just be the first level... but if i keep on hang in there, when i know i can't, it will be even harder for me if i am at the higher level... :'(
shall not say anything liao.. BYE~

What a very tiring day at sch... Now my irritating brother pissed me off. -.-
Yesterday audition have not finish 0.0 :) so will continue on thursday :) will chiong all the notes on thursday again :o just now tdd.. Bandage... Aiyoyo... Bored lo ~ haizz sian. Don't feel like blogging le. Totally pissed with my irritating brother now -.-

Things can't and will never remain the way we want or the way it is.. Haizz ~ there is sure something that blocked our way frm achieving the things we want..

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Tmr Monday = Food rationing day -.- , stupid valentine day -.- , Damn audition day -.-  
~haizz~ Total worry about tmr audition o.o despite knowing all the scales, something bad can happen if it meant to happen. Jiezhi don't even know the scale O.o wth.. Freaking worry :x please Wish me luck :) 
Hope tmr Mr Faizal come school ! I don't want Mdm Julaina taking over our class again ! She took almost 15 min of our lunch break last thursday ! :< 
lols bye ~

O.o just came back frm my brother's school :) oh just now doctor scold me for not listening to him :( eating apples will not keeps the doctor away :( haha. Going to meet him again in another two more weeks. Haizz. Sian.. YAY. Teacher complain bad things abt my bro :) nyohohoho :) serve him right :p i wander why she didn't say anything abt he caught cheating during exam. TSK. My brother is a bad brother afterall :p
I'm coughing so badly :( early in the morning, my voice was so diff. But now okay abit but it hurts :(
i am so bored :(

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There is nothing i could do. :( can't seemed to get along to that situation :( haizz..
Chem test was freaking easy ^-^ hope to get full marks (provided no careless mistake) :) my art piece not nice leh :( feel like giving up.... but i like the sun drew ^-^ nyohoho! It got his name in the sun :) haha.
I'm on my way to hospital :( hope doctor won't be mad at me lo. And i hope he won't scold me :x scared ltr he nag nag nag. Doctor oso nag, tsk. LOL. Aft that going accompany my father go my brother's sch for parents meeting session. YAY. He will kena scold for sure. I am sure his teacher will complain alot alot of things. I doubt there will be compliment. HAHA. pity him :) Lol. Okay bye reaching hospital le.

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Ahhh.. Throat damn pain! Coughing non-stop! Making it even painful :( darn it! Monday audition :x will i pass? Argh! :( so scared and worried :( very tired and very sick ~ shall not post le. Bye :)

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My throat is pain . Ahhh . I think i am going to have fever soon . :(

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Oh my i feel so sick! My eye is pain! Sore throat + cough and flu make it worse! :( haizzz... This has not been concentrating well :( phone keep on vibrating :x irritating! Haiz..

There's nothing i could do. I don't like you and i can't accept you and thats the fact. Your just my cousin and only COUSIN.. I don't wish to go beyond..
Sorry..

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Yay! My phone is back to normal :) unfortunately everything is gone :( all pictures,music and games GONE ! :( Darn it.. Haizzz.
Yay tmr essay test :) weee ~~
Oh yesterday, i conduct the band!! Yay! Ahaha.! So fun! This time round i did not feel nervous :D yay! Then the horns played birthday song for sir! So touching! Haha! At the end, sir blew the candle :) and i get to eat a piece of it! So damn nice lo!! Hmmm... Carving it now 0.0 hahaha!! Okay bye~

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YAY! Finally home sweet home :D 
5 days 4 night at Malaysia :O
First two days we were at Melacca. Spent our night staying at kampong :D both bored lo :( but we did some shopping and walk about here and there. Been waking up damn early everyday because there's a chicken ! LOL !
Third day fun :) spend a night at semi detach house. We did lots of activity there :) played a badminton match, wash car, watch movie . It was fun spending a day with them :) never expect them to treat me like that :o so nice of them ^^ Wish could stay longer with them there :( Thanks Ridwan for making my phone gone crazy ! :(
The forth night, we slept at condo. And now SINGAPORE :D 
bought souvenirs for my beloved WONDERFOOLS <3 YAY ! :D
Now phone sotsot le :( worried :(

Just woke up from a very super nice sleep :D haha. Today's celebration was so not fun :x LOL. i only enjoyed when we were in the class :)  Anyway HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL CHINESE PEOPLE :D GONG XI FA CAI :D ANG BAO LAI KEI WO HOR ! :D 
There is a change of plan :( and i am leaving Singapore tonight. Which is in few hours time :(
i am done packing my things. :D last minutes de ^-^ nyohohoho. BORED~~~~~~~~ haizz..

My family members is busy packing their stuff now. My mom nag at me for not starting packing -.- i don't even want to go lo.Now that i pack, she is so fussy.Damn pissed off sia. You ask me pack, now that i pack, you say bring this instead of this la. Mind as well you pack for me -.- argh. We leaving on thursday morning leh, so kan chiong for what? As if we are leaving in two hours time. Still got tmr. -.-
What a very good start on the 1st of FEBRUARY -.- bad day/mood in sch and now same goes at home -.- nice one -.- !!!!!!!

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I am now at diyana's house watching Ponyo :) the movie so nice :) wish you were here beside me......

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I am currently in sch now. And i am bored waiting. Aiyo...
Just now After lunch, i went to class and i cried silently. Idk why i was crying. I felt so pain and i could not stop crying. Even aft mdm saratha came into the class, tears still wanting to fall but i stop myslef. Aft sch i went to the hall and play piano which is spoiled -.- and i cried again :'( seriously could not help myself.....

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Its been raining since yesterday ! When will it stop ? i am so freaking cold. I am already down with a flu. 
Rain please stop. We had enough of you :D Let the sun shine please :D please be considerate :D 
I am done designing class tee. No printer , can't print LOL. Argh tmr art. I don't know what to draw :x  i have not done my reflection even though i got alot alot of things to say. I bet tmr, all the majors must share our reflection .
My parent is planning to go Malaysia during CNY :( from thursday till saturday/sunday. I don't wish to go . :(