Yesterday was a dooms day ! I totally don't care what people going to say. I care, I say. I cannot take it that they are behaving like this. I shout, I yell. You hate me I don't care. I am doing this for your own good. Its hard to lead a group of people! You think you can do a better job? Come here and take my place. I almost breakdown infront of them but I control myself. They might think I am crazy getting angry at those small things. But those small things can become bigger if you're not aware. If things not gonna change, then you'll see me as a bad guy then. You'll see me yelling everyday! This situation made my day today so dry. I had no mood to do anything. Seriously don't know how to calm myself now...

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A single text from you can change my mood at any moment :D

Now I am totally pissed off with my dad ! Like damn seriously ! I don't even want to tell what happen. But I shouted at him and he stare at me. I stare back and I don't care if he is going to beat me up.
Fml. Ugh. Don't feel like going home when he is at home 24/7.. What a shame!

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I dont even know why its bothering me . I dont even know why when I enter my room, I look at all those stuffs.
A photograph can bring me back to that particular time. A letter, can bring back those memories. A bear can make me smile. A wire braclet can bring me laughter. A movie ticket can bring me joy. My pen that you misplaced, you replaced it with a new pen that gives me confident.
The way you hold my hand made me feel secured. The way you touch my cheek when i'm cold, made me obsessed with you. The Way you made me happy is just too sweet. The way you call my name, made me fly. The love you gave me is too precious and the 99 hearts you gave me, can never replace your heart.

I don't know why I am being random here.

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Its the 5th again....

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Today school not bad la. I freaking tired and no mood for everything. Haha. Went and play piano during recess and was chase out because theres pe :( sad. Then the stupid elective module was damn boring !! I went for band straight after that. Was shock :o haizzz... Luck mr ong not there. Oh I get to paint my room!! :) hmmm what colour shd I use... :D

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Yesterday so epic. I though there was religious class, so my dad sent my bro and I there then suddenly one aunty say dun have! Woah. Waste time. Haha. Lucky my dad still there if not need wait again. Haha. Epic lo. Then at home facing com only. Evening my mum want to go out and went ssc :) I wanted to eat shushi , but they don't want. So ate fried maggi :D haha. Then I thought we going home, then idk why my dad drove to angmokio then back home.
Today I really feel like cleaning up my room. But idk what to do and where to start. Ha :( I really cannot tahan see the same old funiture at the same place for 9years!! I can't even shift the funiture. Idk why the past owner made it stick to the wall. And all my funiture is wood :( I hate it... Gahh.. I want to get rid of everything ! And I want to have a new nice room :D ha..

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I can't believe you are still trap in my mind.
Went out with my mum today :) only two of us. Haha. Accompanied her to a show at yishun safra. Went wash car and pass by northpoint. And you came into my mind with all the memories we had there. Haiz. Aft that my mood really went downn.. Cause I still have tuition at night :( told my mum I don wan tuition also. Mdm aishah also don encourage tuition. LOL. I rather have piano class which I have been asking for 4years!! :< I guess i'll be getting soon :) wee.

Ystd plan was to msg you today. Ha.. I guess I am too coward. :D I dont know why, but I cried to my sleep. And I was awake when sir called me, telling me the plans for tues and thurs when he is not ard. Lol. He even said "this is not dream hor. Ltr u tell me, I dream of you calling me telling me what to do" LOLOL.
Yay monday no sch :) youth day.
Mothers day, fathers day we celebrate.
Then youth day no present no nothing ?
Thats sad.. LOL.

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I miss you. I want to talk to you so badly. And idk why but today I seems to have the urge to msg you so badly.. But I did not.. I am scared. Scared that you find me irritating, scared that you will not like it. Even just to say hi to you via msg, I need lots of courage :( how.. What should I do ? Why am I like this ? Why am I so scared ?

Why am I like this ? :( you are still in my mind. This is hard. Its Freaking hard to forget you when I see you almost everyday. I wonder how you manage to forget me? If you can why can't I ? Why must I take so long to forget you? WHYYYYY ?? :(

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wah.. i've not post for long long time :(

Been busy and don't feel like posting..

Hmmmm... 

Am i doing to much? Why am i letting all the stress to me? Even if i am doing/trying too hard, no one will notice, Even if i want the best out of it, no one knows. Its like as if i am invisible and never get credit. Yes, people now a days very smart, they'll do their way to be NOTICED. Then whats the need of me now? you do on your own la.  No point i do it. Seriously no point.

Why must he always be praised? Have not i improve?! Again, am i invisible? -.- this is seriously freaking irritating ! 

ugh enough of all this !

What she said is true, i may lost someone, but there is sure someone better that will go to you. That really happen to me :) Without knowing , someone actually waited for me just to walk home together. Even if we have to separate at the bus stop. Thats pretty nice :D

At the same time, i find a certain people very irritating :( like stalker :( I don't feel like going to facebook anymore. Because whenever i appear online, POP there is a message. UGH. and it never stop. The poking on facebook becomes reality :<  seriously WHAT THE HELL ! :< 

well... nothing else to say. BYE .

If I can be 101% aware of my attitude and words towards people, I won't hurt people's feelings. I am human. I can't run awat frm all this. I make mistake. And I realise what I was doing. Why whenever you'Re angry, you must crack the past ? Am i really that 'evil' in your eyes ? Maybe . I seriously don'T know what to do.. I'm hurting inside, WHEN ON EARTH CAN ALL THIS STOP ?!!! :'(

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Ahhh... I am so obsessed with two songs in beethoven virus !! I wan to play can yoy hear me and passion on piano !!! Can yoy hear me, the song so sad :( the singer sang it very well !! Ahh.. Listen to it over and over again . I also wan learn passion. So nice !! Gahhhhh..

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There is just TOO many things I want to do in life. Currently I have a sudden interest in violin :D I also want to continue and bulid up my skills in piano.

I am seeing my future.. Haha. I don'T know if I can achieve all that :( but I will fight for what I want.. :D

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Currently watching Beethoven virus ! :) sooooo damn nice !! :D been watching it since yesterday until midnight :o HEHE. tomorrow going back to school and do as many homework i can :o
hehe bye. continue watching BV ;)

Okay long time nvr post le. So here it goes ALL abt band camp :D
Day one.
Syaqim and I were the only major running the band. was tough. Especially for us to decide certain things. I was freaking pissed off with someone. Simply doesn't want to AT LEAST listen what i have to say to support my stand. Simply want to go his own casual way :< WTF.
Not surprise for me to hear the sec one say that i am fierce. Well i am turning into a EVIL GIRL for the band to go FAR. well some may not understand. Perhaps one day they might. Its hard for me to handle things with my own friends. esp when they are doing something wrong or simply do not want to listen to major's instruction. Perhaps, they treat more like a friend then a major :/ thats hard and thats when i have to be evil. Not evil as in really evil but more fierce, firm and strict.
Day two
pretty better :D at curtain parts though. BUT i fall sick :( At night i couldn't sleep as i keep sneezing, coughing and also having a damn painful headache ;( went to mr oh and he took my temperature. Lucky no fever if not he said he will send me to hospital :o And that was at 2 AM :( Then mr oh ask miss huang and miss nur to bring me sleep with them :D woke up in the morning feeling much better UNTIL miss huang told me i have to go home. Cuase i've been coughing throughout the whole night and i am not that well :( WOAH :( then she walked me home until lift lobby :O hahas. so now i'm home blogging instead of resting :D
haiz. sian... seriously sian... :'(

Thats me when i was young. Yes i know, so different. LOL. i was told that when i was baby, i am so close with my father. Oh well, i said back "That time i was young and don't even know anything. Can't even think. Now is a total different thing alr." and she went speechless. LOL

Ugh... first week of holiday so busy with planning everything :( had to brainstorm everything. And i feel like i am doing everything ! :( I don't know if this is a gift or a challenge for me... i just don't know how to handle things .  I remember you once said "we will understand that you are just doing your job" but..... :(

haiz.... 

i know.. i have eyes, i can see. I have ears, i can hear. I have heart, i can feel !

Everyone is treating me differently alr. THANK YOU VERY MUCH !