last night, I cried . Again . Thinking and wondering why must it be me ? why must it happen to me ? WHY WHY WHY ? -.- i tried to keep on smiling and laughing though. but inside i am really dying -.-

Ahaha :D random :)

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People don't understand me or is me who don't understand people?! Is sure people don't understand me! Thats why i am always the one at fault! The one who is always blamed!!!! Irritating!!! Pissed off man!!!! If only my dream was real.. If only i was not born on this earth! If only my life is so bright!! :'( :'( its beyond my hands to control all this.. Perhaps its fated to for me to be born in this kind of situation(s)!!!!! :'( which i don't wish to be! Which i don't like! Which i hate to be in!!

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for my beloved;
open up my heart,
and see that i love you so much.
i truly do.

Yay new blogskin :D ahaha.. since i got nothing to do.

Today is Saturday ! and i wake up so early -.- haiyo ! can't get myself back to sleep le :(
early in the morning, people spamming me with their missed calls le. because i didn't go for the sports heats ! :D ahaha ! Alot of people frm my class didn't go too ! Monday mdm aishah will sure talk abt it -.-
i had a bad dream yesterday night. but i don't remember abt wad :( sad.

I am living a life full of darkness! Not even a single sunlight can be seen in my life. How pathetic..
Go on and let out your frustration to me.. Go on and scold me. Go on and blame me. I am ALWAYS at fault. I am selfish. I am inconsiderate. I am bad girl and a bad daughter..
You made one very very very wrong mistake.. Which is to bring me alive here on this earth... Regret it right?
You don't even know that i tried to cooperate! At least i tried!! Rather than not! Despite my homeworks and tiredness i still did help you! Did you even at least said a thank you?! NO! but if he were to help you with one simple thing, you will praise him and compare him with me! BIASED! BIASED! BIASED! i tell you i had enough! I am suffering inside you don't even know! School different case, home different case!! Where on earth is peace for me?! No one know my misery! Have i ever tell you or complain anything to you?! I did not! He made mistake, you blame and scold me! Can all this nonsense stop??!!!!
I am really tired!!!! I am tired facing all types of challenges! I am tired crying all night letting out the pain.. I am truely tired.. Can you please give me some peace?! :'( :'( :'(

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Finally its Thursday tomorrow ! :D a day off from studies and a day full of music ! :D YAY ! :) Will be leaving class @ 9am :) and will be back @ 2.30pm :) one minutes spend in the Singapore conference hall cost $12! Can you imagine if sir were to give us 5 min toilet break?! What an expensive toilet break it would be ! ^-^ AHAHA !:D will get ready my blazer later ba :) 


i am not going to care anymore ~
How i wish i could be a bird and fly far away from all the problems.
I am not here to waste and taste my salty tears. I am here not here to feel how depression is like. I had enough. I am not here to feel the pains. I had enough of EVERYTHING. 
Sooner or later, IMH will be new home sweet home for me :D and those people will be dearly best friends! ahaha! wow 0.0 
what is my purpose on this earth? i've yet to find out.. 
my life is so lifeless and miserable... i had enough.. i am sick and tired of reflecting upon myself.. 

I felt so weird going out alone, eat dinner alone. LOL. After sch, i went hospital alone. Yay this time round doctor never scold me :) waited for my number so long sia :x aft that went eat alone. Lols. Since i am with uniform everyone stare at me 0.0 aiyo. Then walk to yishun mrt with my heavy bag :( then got one constrution infront, i didn't noticed, i step onto the wet siment. Then the workers scold me. My fault meh? Is they never warn me lo. Never put any sign also! Then anyhow scold people! Siao. Aiyo so tired sia.. I want thursday come faster please.... I wan to have a day off from studies and a day full of music ^-^ ahaha :)

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I did not sabo you neither did i want to make things worse! You should not have said that in the first place. In fact that was not the first time you criticize people and make people sad. Like i've said, you done this too many times liao.. I accepted you apology too many times liao.. but you keep on repeating the same old mistake. Only now i took the action! If no one were to make any action, you might discourage more and more people that can make things turn out even WORSE. You did apologise to me the other the day but it was hard for me to accept your apology this time round. I am sorry that i took this kind of actions. My intention was not to sabo you, but to resolve this problem ASAP. SYF is coming, if i did not take any action, you might discourage more people and they might pull themselves out form the SYF when we want the whole band to be on stage...  

You had the balls to stab and insult people, and didn't have the melons to own up. Grow some watermelons la!
You think a sorry is enough? i know your attitude okay! I've been giving you lots of chance and i've been surviving with you and your nonsense for TWO YEARS! This isn't the first time it happen. In fact i am not the only victim. But i dare and took up the courage to tell the teachers. Because i do not want this to happen to others too ! and i do not want people leaving just because of this. Like one of the history. I know You felt guilty but Why you never own up? Why must you ask me if i were the one that told the teachers? Why must this case be brought up on monday again? Why don't you want to settle it just now? Coward? Or you don't even realise you were the one? I do not want to pick you out or point finger at you... I just hope, you own up ASAP ! you have the guts to stab and insult people, so why don't you have the guts to own up? the longer you made us wait for you to own up, i will feel the pressure and i will think i am at fault for bringing out the case. so please..~ WAKE UP !

Am i at fault? I doubt so. Perhaps history repeats again. But it repeat to make things become better. There isn't a perfection moment in life.. Perhaps i am at fault. But i could not take it any longer! You are hurting and discriminated me so badly. I am not just doing for my own sake but I am doing this for EVERYONE sake. If you are at fault, i suggest you go own up to the teachers... This might just turn into a big case :'( i am feeling the tention now.. :'(

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I felt relief after giving the letter to Mr Oh. Now i just have to wait for his reply tomorrow. And tmr is band exchange.. I scared i need to conduct the band :( haiz... Now i am not diyana's house watching movie :) its so nice :) i am going to lend her DVD and watch at home :) haha. All seemed so nice :) haha. :) i have tons of homework sia :( darn it :( haiz..

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ARGH.. Today was such a bad day for me... i guess..
I heard rumors that.totally spoils my mood . I get 14/15 for chemistry :x i get 29/40 for math and 8 marks gone for such a careless mistake ! I have to re-take my scales ! And among all this i was totally upset when i have to re-take...... Assistant concert master can FAIL . HILARIOUS ! feel like steeping down from being a CM. i am not fit to be given as that role. I would not have cried badly if i was just a normal band member and if i was told to re-take.. i rather be a normal band members and make mistakes... i am now given a title of "Assistant concert master" and yet i can fail my scales.. what will ppl say? i have ppl saying "like this can become concert master?" it discourage me alot from doing things i want and it can also affect me from doing well in band. And before going for the test, i have ppl saying " i hope you fail. Just now lo hei, i keep toasting and say;Hope athirah fail audition ! " instead of wishing me luck . I know for myself that i would not be a good CM. i know my strength and weaknesses. What on earth the teachers sees in me?! There is people out there who wants and fit to be a CM ! Should i really step down.... this might just be the first level... but if i keep on hang in there, when i know i can't, it will be even harder for me if i am at the higher level... :'(
shall not say anything liao.. BYE~

What a very tiring day at sch... Now my irritating brother pissed me off. -.-
Yesterday audition have not finish 0.0 :) so will continue on thursday :) will chiong all the notes on thursday again :o just now tdd.. Bandage... Aiyoyo... Bored lo ~ haizz sian. Don't feel like blogging le. Totally pissed with my irritating brother now -.-

Things can't and will never remain the way we want or the way it is.. Haizz ~ there is sure something that blocked our way frm achieving the things we want..

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Tmr Monday = Food rationing day -.- , stupid valentine day -.- , Damn audition day -.-  
~haizz~ Total worry about tmr audition o.o despite knowing all the scales, something bad can happen if it meant to happen. Jiezhi don't even know the scale O.o wth.. Freaking worry :x please Wish me luck :) 
Hope tmr Mr Faizal come school ! I don't want Mdm Julaina taking over our class again ! She took almost 15 min of our lunch break last thursday ! :< 
lols bye ~

O.o just came back frm my brother's school :) oh just now doctor scold me for not listening to him :( eating apples will not keeps the doctor away :( haha. Going to meet him again in another two more weeks. Haizz. Sian.. YAY. Teacher complain bad things abt my bro :) nyohohoho :) serve him right :p i wander why she didn't say anything abt he caught cheating during exam. TSK. My brother is a bad brother afterall :p
I'm coughing so badly :( early in the morning, my voice was so diff. But now okay abit but it hurts :(
i am so bored :(

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There is nothing i could do. :( can't seemed to get along to that situation :( haizz..
Chem test was freaking easy ^-^ hope to get full marks (provided no careless mistake) :) my art piece not nice leh :( feel like giving up.... but i like the sun drew ^-^ nyohoho! It got his name in the sun :) haha.
I'm on my way to hospital :( hope doctor won't be mad at me lo. And i hope he won't scold me :x scared ltr he nag nag nag. Doctor oso nag, tsk. LOL. Aft that going accompany my father go my brother's sch for parents meeting session. YAY. He will kena scold for sure. I am sure his teacher will complain alot alot of things. I doubt there will be compliment. HAHA. pity him :) Lol. Okay bye reaching hospital le.

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Ahhh.. Throat damn pain! Coughing non-stop! Making it even painful :( darn it! Monday audition :x will i pass? Argh! :( so scared and worried :( very tired and very sick ~ shall not post le. Bye :)

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My throat is pain . Ahhh . I think i am going to have fever soon . :(

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Oh my i feel so sick! My eye is pain! Sore throat + cough and flu make it worse! :( haizzz... This has not been concentrating well :( phone keep on vibrating :x irritating! Haiz..

There's nothing i could do. I don't like you and i can't accept you and thats the fact. Your just my cousin and only COUSIN.. I don't wish to go beyond..
Sorry..

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Yay! My phone is back to normal :) unfortunately everything is gone :( all pictures,music and games GONE ! :( Darn it.. Haizzz.
Yay tmr essay test :) weee ~~
Oh yesterday, i conduct the band!! Yay! Ahaha.! So fun! This time round i did not feel nervous :D yay! Then the horns played birthday song for sir! So touching! Haha! At the end, sir blew the candle :) and i get to eat a piece of it! So damn nice lo!! Hmmm... Carving it now 0.0 hahaha!! Okay bye~

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YAY! Finally home sweet home :D 
5 days 4 night at Malaysia :O
First two days we were at Melacca. Spent our night staying at kampong :D both bored lo :( but we did some shopping and walk about here and there. Been waking up damn early everyday because there's a chicken ! LOL !
Third day fun :) spend a night at semi detach house. We did lots of activity there :) played a badminton match, wash car, watch movie . It was fun spending a day with them :) never expect them to treat me like that :o so nice of them ^^ Wish could stay longer with them there :( Thanks Ridwan for making my phone gone crazy ! :(
The forth night, we slept at condo. And now SINGAPORE :D 
bought souvenirs for my beloved WONDERFOOLS <3 YAY ! :D
Now phone sotsot le :( worried :(

Just woke up from a very super nice sleep :D haha. Today's celebration was so not fun :x LOL. i only enjoyed when we were in the class :)  Anyway HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALL CHINESE PEOPLE :D GONG XI FA CAI :D ANG BAO LAI KEI WO HOR ! :D 
There is a change of plan :( and i am leaving Singapore tonight. Which is in few hours time :(
i am done packing my things. :D last minutes de ^-^ nyohohoho. BORED~~~~~~~~ haizz..

My family members is busy packing their stuff now. My mom nag at me for not starting packing -.- i don't even want to go lo.Now that i pack, she is so fussy.Damn pissed off sia. You ask me pack, now that i pack, you say bring this instead of this la. Mind as well you pack for me -.- argh. We leaving on thursday morning leh, so kan chiong for what? As if we are leaving in two hours time. Still got tmr. -.-
What a very good start on the 1st of FEBRUARY -.- bad day/mood in sch and now same goes at home -.- nice one -.- !!!!!!!

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I am now at diyana's house watching Ponyo :) the movie so nice :) wish you were here beside me......

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I am currently in sch now. And i am bored waiting. Aiyo...
Just now After lunch, i went to class and i cried silently. Idk why i was crying. I felt so pain and i could not stop crying. Even aft mdm saratha came into the class, tears still wanting to fall but i stop myslef. Aft sch i went to the hall and play piano which is spoiled -.- and i cried again :'( seriously could not help myself.....

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