Why can't i feel love from everyone i love?! Its freaking empty inside here! :'(
Its 11.11pm now and i am still alone at home... Wondering if i should wait for them by staying awake.. Hell no. Why shd i right?! How many times must i go through a fight with them?! Things won't change! How many times must i cry for losing everyone i love?! :'( why must i keep tasting my salty tears??!
Oh god, i am too weak to go through all this.. All i could do is just cry.. Help me please.... Please..... :'(

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Have not been blogging like long time :D haha.
Language paper such a killer ! LOL ! Could not believe that i actually wrote the same story for both Eng and Malay compo! :) Eng was indirect but Malay was so damn direct! :) I almost cried while writing for Malay paper. and was affected during Malay paper 2 :( haiz..
I screwed up my Geog test :o last min revision :( LOL. haiyo.. But i was happy today though :) i wish that it will continues.. well..
Currently alone at home.. :( everyone went out mind their own business.. haiz.. so stupid of me to cook them dinner when don't even eat! such a waste!! Things won't change. will never change! :'( GREAT.

Yesterday when we were in the train, my parents suddenly ask how is me and sunny.. They crack some jokes just so that i won't be sad and they ask me to forget him. Hah. Okay bye.

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You don't exist anymore. As far as i'm concern, you're DEAD in my eyes!

Once i say i hate, there's no turning back for me. I can nvr let myself another chance to suit myself with you all, no matter what our relationship is.
You are the person i hate the most! Fucking most! You showed bad examples! She is stupid and blind to have you!! I don't deserve a ****** like you! Idiot! I am NOT glad to have you! And i will never ever ever forgive you!!!! I won't take back my words and thats for sure!
If not for you, we won't be like this!! EVERYTHING STARTED FROM YOU! So don't blame me for hating you! Don't blame me for not giving you a chance!
If i know that my life will turns out this way, i will not want to be born!

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Yesterday after school was the most embarrassing moment ever! That was the first time i could not control my feelings.. And in the end i cried OUT LOUD like a mad women infront of half of my classmates! I went home and continued to cry.. I felt so weak and worthless. I couldn't talk to anyone.. I ask them to leave me alone.. I totally felt ugh. :(
I need to go out.. To calm myself down.. Haiz..

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I want this to end. Even if i can't take it. i really want this to end. no point pretending.


Hey :) have not been blogging this week :o BUSY ~ with band -.- phew finally i can catch up with my studies. No more cca until after exams. :) Today was very pissed with my mum :( i was force to go to religious class if not my mum will call Mr oh and she won't allow me to go for band practice -.-' !!! Basically things that happen this week was, hospice care, honors day. Hospices care was fun ! :) for the very first time i played piano for them :) yay !! Its was fun :) then 5 RI student came :) hehe. okay thats all :) hmm Honors day nothing special -.- i don't give a damn to that. LOL. Aft Honors day went SSC hei sushi for meeting :D
okay nothing else to say :) BYE ~

Me betrayer? Right thanks! BOBO! Its not worth for me going back. What can i do?? NOTHING. Just simply have fun -.- i don't want to be the 'nuetral' anymore. I leave without any reasons and you talk bad things abt me. WELL DONE! i simply didn't want to talk things out! No use telling anyone abt it. Even my own mother don't want to hear what i want to say and she start making conclusion that i am at fault! Bobo! Really thanks ar! Tell me what i do la. I betray?! Since whn?! I simply leave the grp ONLY right?! I still got treat you like friends right?! BOBO! Really thanks ar for EVERYTHING!

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Its going to be a busy week :(
Monday: physics test for band members + band.
Tuesday: band
Wednesday: honors day rehersal + extra lesson
Thursday:band
Friday: free
Ugh.... :( for the very first time in my secondary sch life, i failed my math test! Nice one Athirah. Slacking day by day.. Sec fours stepping down liao. Meaning i become CM liao.. gg lo.. LOL.
Attention seeker lo.. >:<
I should have done this long long time ago.. If i could, i just want to let it out to you! Ugh. Now its even.. Happy? Now no one will be the 'center-person' ! I am no longer a 'centre-person'. I won't regret and i won't go back.
His birthday is coming :x darn it..

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it may be a bronze to the judges but a rich silver band to us ! :)
it doesn't even matter :) its all the hard work that we put in and we all DID enjoyed ourself :) WOOHOO :D good job :)


huhu :) yesterday, after performance, i cried with a happy tears ! TEARS OF JOY :) It was simply awesome. I was like "is this my band?" hahaha ! but when reach sch, gotten the result, we ended up getting a bronze, i cried again :( it was so hard to believe it . Well even when i expected that we will get bronze i don't really want it to happen... Haiz, then went eat dinner at KFC with Rebecca, her treat :) hahas :) But the judges really don't know that we improve tremendously ! That's why no point crying over split milk... we can judge ourself :) and we know that we are a STRONG SILVER BAND ! and no one can deny that !! :) 
So today aft sch, went watch movie :) Rio :) was awesome :) enjoyed myself :) ahaha ! i was posses by Blu now ! hahas !! LOLOL ! Then aft movie , went and find Teck Whye ppl at seoul Garden. Met them and say Hi. Met Yueqin and was over excited that everyone stare at us !! :D okay then Teck whye results is : COP. :(   feel sad for them .. but its over liao... 
Seriously now, i don't know what to say. I don't know if i should say.  I seriously don't need you to emphasize on that f***** word -.- Do things at the right time please. i freaking pissed abt this and i am rather sad and disappointed too !!! ugh forget it.. BYE.

Finally SYF is over :D it may be a broze to the judges but it is a rich silver gold to us. The judges don't know how we struggle to give this kind of performance. Perhaps this year, they are strict thats why we get bronze. But who cares, we all enjoyed ourself. Almost everyone burst into happy tears :D we really did a great job. I am really happy and impressed :) i am tired now and i wan sleep. Shall post more tmr :)

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To my band members, tmr is the day where we will show all our hard works, sacrifices from last year November. Lets not all worried abt the colour of the medal. Lets just go there and enjoy ourself ! Go there and show our TRUE COLOURS ! show them what we are capable of doing ! Lets not get affected by the other bands out there. Focus our mind. If you are nervous, practice deep breathing. If you are scared, call someone and sing through the pieces tgt. Do whatever it takes to calm yourself. Remember all the things that sir taught us, shape our music with dynamics. Most importantly please watch sir. I wish us all the best :) jiayou :) 
ps don't forget to bring all the necessary items ( check it 3 times :) ) .

The weirdest thing is ; i woke up with tears in my eyes and one rolling down my cheek and I knew I must have been dreaming of you again. Sometimes I pretend I don't care, because I know it'd be completely pointless to express what I feel to the person who regards me as nothing.


i feel so STUPID :( it is really stupid! i wonder why i still preserver when i know i should not -.- like WTF! Do i need to go counselling -.- damn pissed sia. ugh.. 
Tomorrow SYF finally! Aft SYF i can finally focus on my studies . But seriously aft SYF, we got no break -.- we still need to catch up for the Honors day -.- !!! ugh... 
ALL THE BEST my beloved band members.. just do your best :) JIAYOU ~
   

Its empty. I could feel that in me :( i am rather sad without any reason.
Now then i realise that today is the 5th again. Well shouldn't be bothering me though.......


Tmr geog test.. OMG .. Die liao :/ Flunk all sub de... confirm, double confirm ! LOL! seriously disappointed in me :( i could have spend my time wisely and plan it accordingly. When its Band, its Band but when its Studies, Its studies ba ... haiz.. 
One day to rest before the actual SYF :/  frankly speaking, i predict that we gonna get bronze. The standard that the judges set this year is Higher then the previous years. Base on the result of other sch such as Ang mo kio, From GWH to Gold.. :/  can predict much though.. its tougher.. but if we were to sustain a silver i will be damn happy :) 
haiz.. i can hardly smile right now :/ 

From now on, i will not bother any of you alr. You do your own things and i do mine. Go ahead and be biased! I f****** don't care! How i wish i could stay with my god family (where there is love and peace)!!! :( haix..

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It took me few hours to do that. I don't even know why i am doing that. But seeing you smile makes me happy :) 
*Countdown* 3 more freaking days to SYF :/ haiz.. :) we can do it de :) 
seriously i am so piessed with my family -.- !! TTM ! -.- 

I am scared and worried but nobody cares except for one :) but i really want to see a doctor.. My mom took this lightly -.- now that it hurts for 3 days, negative things came into my mind.. -.- if it continues to hurt, i will not have time to go clinic liao. I still went and do research and the result really frighten me :\ and i don't want to get involve for tmr pe.. I scared it will worsen the condition :( damn paranoid now.... Ugh..

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You think thats hardcore? Then accept it lo. Hardcore or not, i've made up my mind. So stop trying. Just give up. I will never go with you.

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I love people messaging me 'good morning' :)

My rib hurts :( tell my mummy, she don't give a damn. -.- fine.. I feel like watching night movie.. Its been donkey years since i watched a movie with someone...Hmmm.. LOL. Next week is a busy week :( there is geog,physics,nafa test :( i am going to skip physics and nafa test due to syf.. But i still need to re take. Haiz.. Frankly speaking i slack damn alot -.- shit.. I need to catch up back!! Haiyo..

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Its freaking EMPTY, and there is nothing i could do.

Today was freaking tired, all no mood for school. Thank god, no geog test!! :D phew. was so sleepy throughout every lesson 0.0 :D

I had a great lunch today ! Can't believe that the both of us was in the KFC for like more than 3 hours. :D we keep on talking and talking and talking but it was a memorable time tgt i could say :) heart to heart conversation ma  :D went home at 6.30 and my stomach hurts like hell -.- LOL! Now wondering if tmr there is chemistry lesson -.-' i thought its going to be postpone to some other day lo? so now wad -.- talking abt chem, when i walk home, i saw Mrs whelean and her daughter 0.0 she act so kind lo -.- i wan puke leh... LOL! k i so bad :p LOL! seriously i don't think there is any lo. so @ Zixin : No chem lesson tmr la ! 3-5 have thats their problem ba? She said postpone right??? cause some ppl cannot make it ma -.-

Okay seriously my stomach hurts so bye ba :)