Hell yeah, it should not bother me THIS FREAKING MUCH ! :/ darn it lo... tsk.

went Woodlands stadium with Zixin, and yeah she's late for the second time -.- LOL! went there with an empty stomach, thn see ppl run under the damn hot sun -.- HELLO SUNBURN ! -.- damn bored lo! since my class so little ppl come, Hairul make us cheer and cheer and cheer -.- When its inter-cca run, i ws the first runner -.- and yes, it was the SAME feeling that i felt when i was runing for 400m during p6 :D damn nervous, but thanks to my last runner, we ermerg 1st! WOHOO! boys inter-cca, TOO!!! :D so happy lo :D GOLD LEH! this means we must also get GOLD for SYF! thats my biggest hope man ! So aft sports day, went eat lunch, and was few minutes late for band -.- for the very first time -.- ahaha :)) finally bad girl ! LOL! Conduct the band, with very small and little action -.- was freaking tired, so no energy :( well, Monday cca, Tuesday too and that will be our last practice and one day rest then SYF ! :/ woah times flies so fast :/ 

Ugh, tmr geog test ! darn it ! i didn't study :/ 

idk whats wrong, but EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE WRONG. i am affected by it including my studies lucky not band yet, YET! seems like my ca2 will flunk badly :( this is sad :(( haiz..

Never want things to turn out this way ! If  there were a time machine i would turn back and make a better choice ! :( now that i have made a WRONG choice, i have to keep going alone... Its rather sad. sigh.

Today english test slept for 20 min ! I dreamt of something and it made me feel as if i slept for a long time 0.0 ahaha. k , i receive a card form my wife :) was so touch that i cried :) ♥ yay ! :) ahha ! Love her damn lots :D ♥

k tmr home base learning + sound test ! tis time round we wear full band unifrom! yay ! :D like so cool :) thn if nvr finish any assignment will be excused ! woah so good :D yay ! Okay i guess thats all :)

I guess i have to move on from here. Learn to walk on my own. But i've not yet see and hear with my own eyes and ears on what you should do.. i am still waiting for it to happen.

I am on my way back home from religious class. I learn damn alot.. It made me realise certain things :) we didn't get to do something that i was looking forward! Damn sad.. But its okay :) still got next week :) well i guess now i have to make up my mind like what my teacher ask me too. Sometimes i feel like going to him(teacher) and ask for help abt certain things :) i just don't dare to ask...

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I can't believe, i cried for the whole afternoon yesterday and to my sleep !! What on earth was i thinking?!

Went choir concert just now :) since Peilin gave me a free ticket :D enjoyed myself :) they sang until made me cried :)

I think i am not myself alr .. if you think i am then i am FAKING ! i am not going to look/wait for another !! Let it just come naturally 0.0 i hate to hurt people and yes i did hurt someone this afternoon -.- sorry! You'll find someone better some day and its not me :) 

Its' ain't easy for me :( i just let it out everything by crying :( seems like its not working... damn stupid being here !! STUPID !! Like wtf !!

I don't get it why :( now i guess, i know why... I made the WRONG decision ! very very very wrong. For that i don't think i am into another one ..... Let it be this way.. let me be this way for i am the one at fault .

This is so unexpected -.-
Receive alot of compliments abt our performance :) was so glad and happy abt it :) went class late :) then aft sch had a touch of love programme. That time my patner told me something that was so unexpected.. I can't believe it :x reach home online facebook, receive the same news but this time diff person :x so its two person :\ lucky the irritating not in my sch :) hah k, i don't Have anything to say le, had a long day, so bye..

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Never i felt this way before :( i felt guilty to have this kind of feeling over and over and over AGAIN ! :( 

Yesterday, i didn't get to sleep well :( went to bed at 10 but was able to sleep at 11 i think :o 

At 3AM in the morning,  father came into my room and start cursing and scolding my mom that quietly slept in my room :o I was so irritated that i almost wanted to scold my father for creating nuisance at 3AM! From there i could not really get back to my sleep, as i was too cautious of the time :x i scared i over slept :/ s o the whole morning in sch was such a torture for me :( my eyes could not take it when it was CE when Mdm Aishah keep talking and talking :/ went home slept until 6.50 o.o ahaha :) now worried if i can't sleep ltr, then the cycle will repeat again :o darn it lo :/ Britney not coming tmr :/ i am so not going to substitute her !! I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ! 

It was the first time, i felt calm performing to the crowd, and this was the first time i really enjoyed playing with the band :) WEE ~ it was such a wonderful expreience :D hope we will do even more better than today or the same as today but NOT below !! must go beyond beyond beyond :) haha k will strive for tmr :) well i've got nothing to say le :) so BYE ~

Wohoo :D such a success just now morning performance :) despite all of us were so sleepy :x LOL ! nice one :D receive praise over and over :) i hope tmr will be even more better :D *finger cross* ! 0.0 k i wanna have a nap now :) shall post ltr :) BYE ~

HELLO :D k so random :) 

MT was shiok :) get to use air-con at multi purpose room for two days (yesterday & today) :D nice lo :) then can do work so comfortably :D ahaha :) hand in ALL my holiday assignments ON TIME :D yay ~ LOL!  receive my class tee -.- was okay nia -.- colour so striking leh -.- and it cost $15 :) can la can la :)

Just now sec one training, didn't really teach them :/ just patrolling nia :) some of them like bobo sia -.- i like wan to slap them :x then now many sec 1 say i am fierce -.- BOBO ~ k whatever.

UGH tomorrow BIG DAY !! performance ~! ohno ! darn it ! 6.30 must be in sch -.- ugh so early :( but good thing is i get to skip my MATH LESSON !! :D yay~ 

Ugh Thursday i have to skip band for 2h -.- for the stupid CIP -.- lucky i wasn't chosen for the PESA :) wee ~ i was almost gonna be selected but i said i need to concentrate on my SYF so cannot :DD 

hmm i think i am going to bed @ 9PM ? 0.0 sleep so early also can't guarantee that i can wake up on time :( i need almost 4 wake up call from diff ppl man !! Adawiyah is one, but the other 3 ? :( oh no :( if i late darn it sia -.- (major remind everyone @ facebook but she herself late -.-) LOLOL!!

Oh yeah, yesterday weather so weird -.- after dinner, walk home, lightning and thunder scares me !! I became paranoid at a moment :o then rain awhile and not so heavy -.-  next morning wake up, hell its raining heavily -.- LOL! then my shoe wet :( haiz :/

k i am bored now ! so BYE !

To my beloved band members,

I know that we are all aiming to get Gold / Gold with honours. I would say that we do improve in making music. But where has our discipline gone to? I am wondering if you were taking every single band exchange seriously. I am wondering if you took it like SYF simulation. Your attitude show me otherwise. We were not co-operative with the one giving instructions. Some of you simply play a fool. After we performed, we were restless and tend to make noise. We were lucky that today exchange, we were the second band to perform, everyone gave their attention but do we give our attention in return? I admit i did not. But i realise that i was wrong. Sometimes we just have to put ourselves into other people's shoes. I am sure we do not want to perform when the audience is busy talking right? Despite reminding to keep quiet, none actually listen. I hope that the punishment that we, majors gave made you realise something. I totally feel that we lost our sense of urgency. I am not sure  if we are ready for SYF. I am sorry if i have made anyone of you angry or if i scold you or being harsh on you. Pls forgive me for that. i Just want we all to realise that we have only 19 more days to SYF. please take full band,sectionals,exchanges,performance a serious case.I hope to see improvements . Frankly speaking i am disappointed with this year batch though. in term of disciplinary and attitude.

Athirah

-ACM.

Omg its full moon again !! :DD 

haha okay okay :) Today has been a tiring day for me :( went to school completed my math and half geog. haiz. will continue tmr ba since i have no religious class tmr :) i didn't ate breakfast and lunch :( until now. No food= no dinner :( aw. band exchange was rather inspiring :D get to hear the standard of a gold band :) but i don't think our band is there yet :( majors did double punishment :( it was so tiring and disappointed :( gosh ~ i feel like writing something to my band :x hmmm, next post :)

Yay i just finished my ace :D so it left me with 4 math question for 3.5 and 3/4 geog. Ohmy~ i think i should be finishing my homwork by tmr :) going sch EARLY AGAIN! just for the sake of my homeworks :) so tmr will be a tiring day for me :( oh well , i've been so guai :) never even get to enjoy or go out for this one week :( sad sia :( 

i think i am going to sleep aft this since i want yo go sch early.. and i noticed now a days, at night, i will be having headache :( ahhh.. Haha okay nighty people :) may tmr be a good and fresh day for us :)

wee ~ new skin :) hahas :) not bad rite? AHAHA :) 

Oh great i left with ace leraning, 4 math question and geog and i am done :D 

I've been in school from 8-1 just now :) being a good girl and do my homework with rebecca♥ :D

Went home ate my lunch and slept :O was so damn tired :( and i think i am going to do ace today :) wee~

Its FRIDAY , time flies so fast :( haiz. Tmr band exchange :) first time held in the afternoon :o oh well JIAYOU :) huhuhuhu :) Wednesday and Thursday's asssembly we'll be performing :D and after that it's time for serious case : SYF ! In 20 more freaking days ! :o ohmygosh~~ :x

think positive :D jiayou :)

ahaha :) i am now so lonely at home :( everyone abandon me :( so sad :( LOLOL! 

okay bored~ ByE~

I simply have no reasons :) i am proud of myself :) i did what i know best for me :) i killed two birds with one stone WOW  :) haha :) 

I simply love to see full moon :) its beautiful :)

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Wohoo :) i am Le Xin :) ni hao :) hahaha :)
Omg suddenly so worried abt my hw :( oh no :( i wan to do math but idk how do :( maybe shall start on others first ba :( will post abt wad happen this afternoon ltr ba :)

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just now saw a research said that biting a pencil could cure headache :D i tried and it works :D FASINATING :)
when i was at primary sch age, i love to bite pencil lots :p till it become a habbit 0.0 then idk why i stop :) LOL. ahhh childhood memories ! can i go back to that time :(

Yesterday was so tiring... Went sch early and completed my english speech ONLY ! -.- sianz.

still got tons of homework undone.. Going to do ONE of it later ba :) haha :)

Bored like hell :( stoning at home only (like got nothing better to do.. ) zz -.-

You would be surprise to see what happen to me yesterday :o but that time i was alone :) if there were someone with me that time, that person will be shock like hell :D (seriously) haha . LOLS i also don't know why i like that -.- and my head hurt like hell -.-

ugh how i wish i could just start my life all over again . There's so many things i would want to change :(

Ugh i don't know wad to do now.. I guess i have to keep on smiling and move on... Move on from every single thing that affect me... Haiz....
How i wish i have a time machine.... :(

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i've been stoning for the past few min aft buying some stuff at 888 :x

BORED TO HELL ~ 

glad tmr cca :) then going sch early and do some hw first :) yay :) 

My goodness ! i am so bored ! i lazy iron clothes ! piles piles of clothes -.- sian leh....... ugh.............

Can't believe this... i have to go back down and buy the correct thing that my mom wants ! ugh bye !

Thanks hor,  i get that alot ! that was such a lame excuse !

next time just be direct can ma ? no need to be so indirect ! as if your such a coward !

Feel so empty in me . There's nothing i could feel right now :( simply lost all sense of feelings 0.0 ~ !

ugh -.-

There's nothing left to say .

K bye !

Woke up at 5 and now on my way to bedok with adawiyah. Doing some volunteering work :) k bye.

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I think i get it. But i am still waiting for you to say it DIRECTLY. !!!
K bye.

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Its scares me TTM :x ugh.. Headache is getting from bad to worse. :(
Walao his such a stalker! Very irritating and scary! Can't give me peace for at least a day :/
Send my brother to sch and off he go for his camp :D yay! :) happy much :) i think i want to bake again :) this time round bake alone :) then give my neighbours :) ahaha :)
Okay head hurt. Ugh k bye.

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I woke up late today, and didn't go to sch.. :( but i am down with very very pain headache and cough.. So its a good thing that i did not go to sch. LOL.

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Yesterday aft having dinner at cwp, we walked home. I purposely closed my eyes and walk. Suddenly something strike into my mind. I ask myself. Walking with eyes close is like leading your own life. You don't know and you can't see what lies ahead but you have to continue walking. You don't even know if its safe or if there is any obstacles ahead.. You don't even know if you'rr walkong the right way...All you have to do is to trust and continue walking. If you were to fall, you have to stand up and continue. Its exactly like leading your life.. You can't see and you don't know what lies ahead your future. But you have to continue living and move on.. Sometimes we don't even know if our choice/path we are in right now is the right place to be..Problems is like obstacles, we must know how to overcome it to move on. Well i guess its true :) ahaha :) just some sharing :) i suddenly have this kind of thinking 0.0 ahah :)
Anyway today band was okay :) 28 more days to the actual SYF! i am so nervous now :( i want a GOLD!! SERIOUSLY! haiz. I think i loosing my voice 0.0 teach my juniors like hell. But worth it :) aft syf sec four is stepping down 0.0 meaning i am no longer going to an ASSISTANT concert master 0.0 oh my.. Nvm stay strong :)

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Sometimes people don't aprriciate our presence ! people don't aprriciate what we have done for them. People are just TOO stupid to think all this ! And they are such a fool to play this "blaming" game !! Without even reflecting upon themself, they're pointing fingers at others ! Who are they to say that they are right ?! Even when a 10 years old kid arguing with an adult, its possible for the kid to fight back with the adult, if the kid did some thinking and reflecting upon himself ! -.- not ALL adults is always right !

Wah today i almost alte for school :x woke up at 7.15 am -.- chiong and run to school!  0.0 actually wanted to skipped sch, but my father force me go -.- oh well :) maybe because i ate too much panodol last night that made me overslept :D but seriously my headache is getting worse :( been receiving holiday homework alr :( idk when to start.That one whole week of holiday, i will be having CCA :( monday,thursday, and saturday :( like got no time to finish everything :o LOLS. just now english class was so epic ;D my patner and i bad mouth abt one person :D ahaha ! :)

i feel like something is not right.. i feel like something is missing...

Do you have symptoms of clinical depression? Sure, most of us feel sad, lonely, or depressed at times. And feeling depressed is a normal reaction to loss, life's struggles, or an injured self-esteem. But when these feelings become overwhelming and last for long periods of time, they can keep you from leading a normal, active life. That's when it's time to seek medical help.

If left untreated, symptoms of clinical or major depression may worsen and last for years. They can cause untold suffering and possibly lead to suicide. Recognizing the symptoms of depression is often the biggest hurdle to the diagnosis and treatment of clinical or major depression. Unfortunately, approximately half the people who experience symptoms never do get diagnosed or treated for their illness.

Not getting treatment can be life threatening. More than one out of every 10 people battling depression commit suicide.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:

• difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions [YES]
• fatigue and decreased energy [YES]
• feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness [YES]
• feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism [YES]
• insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping [YES]
• irritability, restlessness [DAMN YES]
• loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable [feels like it]
• overeating or appetite loss [YES]
• persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment [YES!]
• persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings [YES!!]
• thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts [In the past , yes, now idk]

Am i under depression ?! -.- its like all the symptoms i am having now ! -.-  shan't think abt it too much :x
oh btw my speech was VERY WELL DONE :D yay.. my name will not be written in the diary :) phew :)  just now sec one training was super damn frustrating -.- idk if i was the problem or they who is the problem -.- but i was totally irritated and frustrated by everyone ! -.- 
Okay i am so restless now~ BYE!

OH MY .... i hate my english teacher -.- ! For once, i laughed out loud in class, wasn't paying attention but i did do my work ! She can't even give face and let me go ! -.- tmr consequences ; read out my homework and if it is not to her expectations, she will tell mdm aishah abt my behavior in class just now ! WALAO ~ i know i am at fault la, but as if i did that many times ! can't give a chance is it?! aiyo ! For once want to be hyper, because people keep on saying i so emo -.- now hyper kena consequences .... zzz =.= like WTH !
okay did my HOMEWORK -.-
just now band, wow TIRING ! long time no drills, and today drill was so intestive ! eventhough i did not do, but giving command is also tiring man ! i gotta shout like a MAN ! O.O its hard ): its easy for Shane and Syaqim lo.. cause they guy ma... haizz.. But YAY ! finally feels like a Major :D ahahaha ! other than giving command for drills, i did conduct the band just now :D seems like every start of band practice, i've been the one conducting :D yay ! then i get the opportunity to shout "  BAND DIAM ! *give out instructions* " HAHAH :D fun but very very tiring and need lots lots of courage :D ahaha :)  
I very fast worker leh 0.0 i am like the first one to finish all the art work given... now i gotta slack abit :D ahaha :) my head hurts... its been hurting since just now in school 0.0 okay gotta finish my math hw..  BYE ~

Yesterday, we watched i am number four ; midnight show. It was nice :) looking forward for the second part. :) too bad my cousin didn't join us, if not it would be awesome :( perhaps going to have another movie outing with them some other time. Maybe friday :)
Kbye

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Fake smile can never be seen or noticed.
Fake smile can hide every single sadness in your face. Therefore its better to fake a smile than to tell what's going on :D
Just now english, i won the best speech of the day :) wee ~ spoke abt how hard being a Concert Master :) and i won :) Yay :).
Oh darn it :O tmr band exchange!! We going fajar sec. And there will be a total of 8 sch!! Thats alot!! OMG :O. I will be totally nervous! And i will tremble while playing :( it happened like to all the band exchange :( and i just realised, every band exchange, i cried :x that shows i have not show my very best yet. I have still not stood out for my two solo's :( haizz.. 4-5 more week and its SYF! it took months to be perfect. And no matter how perfect every band were during band exchange or band practice, they can break down during SYF due to fear and nervous and all effort is such a waste. Therefore i don't think playing perfectly is the first thing to do. But overcoming fear must be the first thing to do :) ahaha :) shd be telling the band abt this ahaha :)

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Who am i to you?! Who am i to everyone?! I meant nothing to everyone right?! NOTHING RIGHT?!
I just reach home and my house is such a mess! I wonder what my BROTHER (which i no longer consider as one) doing from afternoon till now! NONE of the housework is done by him! I went into the kitchen, No food! Then i receive a msg frm my mother.. She asked me to cook rice and dish for them to eat! Then she ask me to do housework everything and i must make sure that every single housework is done and when she reach home everything is clean. I came back frm sch, very tired, very hungry, i still got hw and revision to do.... I still did what i have to do as a daughter! I did!! But despite all that, NONE appriciate it! Not even a single thank you. BUT an insult was given!! INSULT!! OMG WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON?!!!!! I GET SCOLDED FOR DOING THE WRONG THING BUT HE NEVER GET SCOLDED WHEN HE DID NOTHING! AND I MEAN NOTHING!!!! AT LEAST I HELP BUT I DO WRONGLY RIGHT!!! MY FATHER CALL ME NAME! MY FATHER BEAT ME UP!!! JUST FOR ONE BLOODY MISTAKE!!! ISN'T IT UNFAIR!!! UNFAIRR!!! TRUELY UNFAIR!!!!!! I HATE ALL THIS!!!! I HATE EVERYONE!!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!! DO I DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS?! I AM LOST!! TOTALLY LOST!! I CAN NO LONGER KEEP ALL THE PAINESS TO MYSELF!! IT HURTS ALOT! IDK WHO TO GO TO!! I AM LOST!!!! :'( :'(

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Today wad such such such a bad luck for me.. Bad day for me! I was irritated by my patner! She keep talking to the girls behind then she sat side ways and shake her leg -.- nvr pay attention then ask me teach.. I lazy teach i just hack care.. Thn band, someone made my flute fell and thanks ar! Now my flute SPOIL! not even an apology was given! _l_ now i have to bear with a SPOILED FLUTE -.- then aft full band when cleaning my piccolo, the cloth stuck and was very hard to remove even jie zhi could not take it out. So had to trouble sir, and it made sir's stomach hurt :( haizxx.. Wad a day for me. Even my mood like sotsot de.. Haixxx

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Woo i am posting early in the morning on my way to sch :)
What a way to start my day. -.- well its has been the same through out.. It will always start with a tears and end with a tears. How wonderfool is that... How i wish my life is as plain and as pure as a white wall.. Now my life of white wall is full of black spot all over and cracks all over too! It will soon collapse anyway :D
Reaching sch le. BYE.

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